200 Unforgettable Jokes for Your Next Gathering

Joke 1: Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

Joke 2: What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.

Joke 3: What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

Joke 4: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.

Joke 5: What do you call a snobbish criminal going downstairs? A condescending con descending.

Joke 6: Why don't oysters donate to charity? Because they're shellfish.

Joke 7: How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.

Joke 8: Want to hear a construction joke? Oh, never mind, I'm still working on that one.

Joke 9: Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Joke 10: I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

Joke 11: Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

Joke 12: What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.

Joke 13: Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.

Joke 14: Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

Joke 15: What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.

Joke 16: Why did the chicken go to the seance? To get to the other side.

Joke 17: Three fish are in a tank. One asks the others, "How do you drive this thing?"

Joke 18: What do you call a nosy pepper? Jalapeño business.

Joke 19: I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

Joke 20: Why do we never tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, and the corn has ears.

Joke 21: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.

Joke 22: What's brown and sticky? A stick.

Joke 23: What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.

Joke 24: Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.

Joke 25: How do you organize a space party? You planet.

Joke 26: Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi.

Joke 27: What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

Joke 28: What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

Joke 29: What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner's on me.

Joke 30: Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because it felt crumby.

Joke 31: What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.

Joke 32: What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese.

Joke 33: I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

Joke 34: What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A python.

Joke 35: Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.

Joke 36: What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

Joke 37: What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

Joke 38: Why did the baker go to therapy? He kneaded it.

Joke 39: What do you call an old snowman? Water.

Joke 40: Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.

Joke 41: What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper.

Joke 42: Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.

Joke 43: Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Joke 44: Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.

Joke 45: What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? A bagel.

Joke 46: Why don't they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

Joke 47: What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

Joke 48: Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

Joke 49: How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.

Joke 50: What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

Joke 51: What did one eye say to the other eye? Between you and me, something smells.

Joke 52: Why did the yogurt go to art school? Because it wanted to be even more cultured.

Joke 53: Why did the pepperoni go to school? To become a better pizza itself.

Joke 54: Where do cows go to have fun? The moo-vies.

Joke 55: Why did the coffee call the police? It was mugged.

Joke 56: Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because it was stuffed.

Joke 57: How does a train eat? It goes chew chew.

Joke 58: What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.

Joke 59: When is an artist's favorite time of day? Draw-cula thirty.

Joke 60: What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop.

Joke 61: Why do we never tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, and the corn has ears.

Joke 62: Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.

Joke 63: What has one eye but can't see? A needle.

Joke 64: How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.

Joke 65: Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets.

Joke 66: Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow? Because he wanted to have sweet dreams.

Joke 67: What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

Joke 68: What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.

Joke 69: What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the doc.

Joke 70: What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Joke 71: Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.

Joke 72: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.

Joke 73: How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.

Joke 74: What do you get when you cross a snail and a porcupine? A slowpoke.

Joke 75: Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Joke 76: What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.

Joke 77: Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.

Joke 78: What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.

Joke 79: How do you make an egg laugh? Tell it a yolk.

Joke 80: How do you fix a broken tomato? Tomato paste.

Joke 81: What do you call a dog that tells time? A watch dog.

Joke 82: What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

Joke 83: Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.

Joke 84: What do you call a hippie's wife? A Mississippi.

Joke 85: Why did the banker switch careers? He lost interest.

Joke 86: What do you call a snobbish criminal going downstairs? A condescending con descending.

Joke 87: Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Joke 88: How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool.

Joke 89: What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.

Joke 90: Why did the soup go to jail? It was in a stockade.

Joke 91: I couldn't figure out how to put my seatbelt on, but then it clicked.

Joke 92: Why did the pie go to school? It wanted to be a smarty-pants.

Joke 93: Why did the yoga instructor go to jail? She was caught in a pose-session.

Joke 94: What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi, bud.

Joke 95: What did one toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.

Joke 96: Why are frogs so happy?They eat whatever bugs them.

Joke 97: What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff!

Joke 98: How do you catch a squirrel?Climb a tree and act like a nut.

Joke 99: Why was the kindergarten folder broke?It wouldn't close its flap.

Joke 100: Why was the belt arrested?For holding up a pair of pants.

Now you've got 100 out of 200 unforgettable jokes for your next gathering. Get ready to be a hit at any party or family event. Happy laughing!