Nation Braces for Lasagna as Scientists Confirm It Is “Structurally a Building,” “Emotionally a Blanket,” and “Legally a Casserole”

2026-01-22

**STOCKPORT, TUESDAY** — The UK has entered a state of cautious optimism after a coalition of food scientists, amateur uncles, and one unusually confident Italian grandmother confirmed that lasagna is not merely dinner, but “a multi-layered domestic infrastructure project with edible planning permission.”

Local Man Declares Pizza a "Vegetable" After Discovering Tomato Paste Contains Trace Amounts of Lycopene

2026-01-22

**NEW YORK** – In a move that has sent shockwaves through the nutritional science community and caused a 400% spike in local delivery orders, 34-year-old freelance graphic designer Gary Henderson officially reclassified pizza as a "superfood vegetable" during a late-night binge-watching session this Tuesday.