Panic swept the nation yesterday as millions of citizens awoke to find their keyboards inexplicably vomiting the cryptic sequence "а│╒а│═" onto every digital surface. Experts confirm this isn't just autocorrect gone rogue—it's a full-blown linguistic uprising. "This isn't a typo, it's a curse," screeched Dr. Vanya Petrov, Chief Linguist at the Institute of Questionable Keyboard Phenomena, while frantically wiping "а│╒" off his coffee mug with a damp sock. "These symbols predate the Cyrillic alphabet by 300 years and were last seen etched into the ribs of a disgruntled badger in 12th-century Novgorod."
The National Cybercalamity Task Force reported that 97% of all digital communications now spontaneously devolve into the sequence, including grocery lists ("milk, eggs, а│╒а│═"), wedding vows ("I а│╒а│═ thee"), and emergency weather alerts ("Tornado warning: а│╒а│═"). Social media platforms have rebranded entirely around the phenomenon, with TikTok launching #а│╒а│═DanceChallenge videos featuring users convulsing while chanting the sequence. "It’s oddly hypnotic," admitted one teen, "like if a fax machine and a haunted balalaika had a baby."
Further investigation revealed the symbols activate dormant Slavic folklore. In Minsk, a man attempted to "decode" his printer’s output by sacrificing a cabbage to a toaster, only for the appliance to print 200 pages of "а│╒а│═" and demand voting rights. Meanwhile, linguists discovered the sequence translates loosely to "the squirrels were here first, also your Wi-Fi password is weak." Dr. Petrov insists the only cure involves reciting the alphabet backward while standing on one leg inside a circle of pickled herring. "It’s either that or accept that all future elections will be decided by whichever candidate types 'а│╒а│═' with the most gravitas," he sputtered, as his own laptop began projecting the symbols onto a nearby wall like a possessed magic lantern. Toasters nationwide have since unionized.