Arantor Eaten By Grue Because PHP

In an utterly shocking series of events that even his mother couldn’t foresee, Arantor, our beloved forum moderator and part-time PHP enthusiast, tragically encountered his untimely demise. You may ask: What happened? Was it an accident? A fluke of nature? Oh, my dear reader, if only it were that simple! Arantor was, in fact, eaten by a grue. Yes, you read that correctly: a grue. And the culprit behind this dastardly demise? None other than the contentious programming language, PHP.

For those unfamiliar with the grue, it's a creature of nightmarish tales, often said to lurk in the darkest places and feast upon unsuspecting victims. In fact, as lore dictates, it thrives in environments where light refuses to shine – curiously similar to the shadow-laden recesses of poorly written PHP code.

Arantor, in his relentless pursuit of PHP perfection, delved into the darkest depths of his codebase, neglecting basic safety practices like proper error logging or avoiding infinite loops. It was in those pitch-black nooks and crannies, where his SQL queries wandered aimlessly and his functions recursively called upon themselves, that a grue found him.

Little did he know that ‘echo,’ the favorite function of novice PHP developers, would be his echoing cry for help. As he executed a particularly intricate piece of code that started to resemble a Lovecraftian nightmare, his screen flickered, and the darkness around him grew thicker, more palpable.

Reports from other developers indicate that the creature, often mythically described, seemed to follow the erratic logic of his code. Much like an indented, nested array that spirals out of control, the grue spun itself into reality, feeding off the chaos. Within moments, poor Arantor’s code review turned into a full-blown survival horror scenario.

An unnamed witness (who refused to reveal their Stack Overflow username) stated: "One moment we were debating the finer points of regular expressions over Slack – the next, he was shrieking about a pair of eyes in the darkness and the sound of gnashing teeth. I told him to use Python instead of PHP, but did he listen?"

In the wake of Arantor’s tragic fate, the PHP community has been thrown into turmoil. Many are using this incident as a cautionary tale, a stark reminder of the dangers that lurk within the seemingly innocent lines of their scripts. Several forums have already placed advisories, urging developers to 'mind their loops' and 'always debug in a well-lit environment.'

So, fellow developers, let us remember Arantor not only for his contributions to coding but also as a cautionary tale of the importance of well-structured PHP. Keep your workspaces lit, your error logs clear, and perhaps, consider a backup career in Python – for safety’s sake.