In a shocking turn of derailment from our reality, where people are usually guilty of biting off more they can chew, there is a very disconcerting report about a software critique 'biting' being 'bitten off.' Yes ladies, gentlemen, and machines, you read that right. Blakeyrat, the infamous technology critique, best known for his blistering rants on malfunctioning and badly designed software, has reportedly been eaten by a grue.
Now, for those who enjoy a life outside of fantasy novels and good ol’ text-adventure games, a grue is not your everyday neighborhood maneater. As per the esteemed writings in the 'Dungeon Master’s Guide to Not Getting Eaten Alive in the Shadows,' a grue is particularly infamous for eating the adventurous types who wander around in the dark—and apparently, if latest reports are to be believed, the occasional tech critique too.
Blakeyrat was last seen in his software review dungeon, preparing to eviscerate another ill-written and inadequately tested software, whilst fumbling around in the dark because some idiot had once again misplaced the light switch, turns out grues prefer less illuminated dining areas. Who knew, right? Just when you thought 2020 couldn't get weirder, we're talking about a 'techivore' grue. The irony is dripping heavier than the coffee Blakeyrat forgot to finish the night he was turned into a midnight grub.
As we wrap this delightfully grim tale, and as you brace yourself for the absence of software critique abhorrence in your life, we would have you consider one thing. Perhaps the grue developed a taste for software off of Blakeyrat. Or maybe, it just really enjoyed the stringy texture of those words of fury Edgeyeared Ratmandude used against software coming fresh out of IT students' practices. Whatever the case, if you hear a strange growling sound next time you are neck-deep in code, remember - the dark is not your friend. Stay lit, stay alive.
