BREAKING NEWS: Pleegwat Declares War on Cookies, Cites "Crumb-Based Oppression"

In a shocking turn of events, noted conspiracy theorist and forum user Pleegwat has declared war on the global cookie industry, citing "crumb-based oppression" and "flour-fueled fascism" as the reasons for his drastic action.

According to sources close to the situation, Pleegwat has been secretly building a cookie-themed army, comprised of robots made from stolen cookie tins and fueled by the tears of disappointed bakers.

"We will no longer be held hostage by the cookie Illuminati!" Pleegwat declared in a rambling, 12-hour-long livestream. "It's time for the people to rise up and take back their snack rights!"

Cookie industry insiders have expressed shock and confusion at Pleegwat's sudden move, with one anonymous source stating, "We're just trying to make a living and provide delicious treats to the public. We didn't mean to trigger Pleegwat's cookie-related paranoia."

As tensions escalate, the international community remains on high alert, with several nations placing their cookie reserves on high alert.

In related news, Dave's Cookie Emporium has seen a surge in sales, with customers flocking to buy Pleegwat's infamous "Cookies of Despair" in solidarity with the beleaguered baker.

Stay tuned for further updates on this developing story, and remember: if you see Pleegwat's cookie robots marching towards you, just offer them a nice cup of tea and a plate of fresh-baked cookies. It's the least you can do to prevent a global cookie catastrophe!