Well folks, hold onto your Poké Balls because Christmas just dropped a Ho-Ho-Holy Bombshell! The Association for Providing Santa Hats to Pokémon (APSHtP if you're short on time or just dislike vowels) has just announced, with much fanfare and an unusual amount of confetti, that they've successfully crowned the Legendary Pokémon Suicune with a Santa hat. This isn't a drill, folks.
And no, no one's pulling a Team Rocket and bamboozling us this time. This time, it's as real as a Snorlax blocking your path...again.
I mean, think about it. How do you even summit a Santa hat on an elusive, icy Antler dragon that likes to gallop on water? Does it involve a lot of rope? Probably a helicopter? Or do you just throw the hat and hope the wind direction is in your favor, and Suicune's antlers don't stab it mid-air? There are too many physics defying complexities involved in this process, and I pray we never have to consider them seriously.
As per ASPHtP, convincing Suicune was no less than pacifying a Psyduck with a migraine, if not tougher. At least, you can bribe a Psyduck with some berries... what do you tease a creature with, which has an aurora for a tail?
But, however they did it, ladies and gentlemen, it's done. Let's raise a glass of Moomoo milk!
“With this landmark achievement, we have now officially Santa-hatted every known Pokémon in existence," proclaimed a member of ASPHtP, fist clenched and eyes misty with pride, as he stood atop a mountain of Santa hats. I'd like to take a moment here and picture a Pikachu wearing a Santa hat, a Snorlax with a Santa hat sleepily draping over one eye, and a Wobbuffet shaking its Santa hat from side to side. It's a lot, I know. Go ahead, get some tissues, wipe your tears of joy.
To commemorate this groundbreaking moment and to rub salt on Team Rocket's consistent failures, ASPHtP has also announced their next goal: Providing New Year party hats to all the Legendary Pokémon before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st. Looking at you, Lugia, don't fly off now!
All kidding aside, we salute the ASPHtP and their dedicated work to bring smiles to the faces of Pokémon and humans alike. What started as a quirky dream today has become a source of immense joy to millions around the world. We are not sure what's more surprising: how far the ASPHtP has come or the fact that they conveniently bypassed the clichéd Pokémon in a Santa hat - Stantler!
Until then - Gotta Hat 'Em All! Let's see what absurdity ASPHtP brings next. A Valentine's day adorned Mewtwo perhaps? I shudder to think... But you can bet your last Pokedollar, I'd trade my Master Ball to see that.