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Canada and Mexico Agree to 'Build a Wall Around Trump' to Keep Tariffs at Bay

In a historic move described as "diplomatic self-defense," Canada and Mexico announced plans Tuesday to construct a 3,000-mile modular wall around former U.S. President Donald Trump to prevent "the unchecked spread of tariffs, bad vibes, and poorly spelled midnight tweets."

Canadian and Mexican diplomats shaking hands while standing on blueprints of a wall shaped like a giant birdcage surrounding a tiny golden-haired figure

The controversial structure, dubbed "The Great Filter," will reportedly be built using repurposed NAFTA documents, expired COVID rapid tests, and a proprietary blend of maple syrup and top-shelf tequila for adhesive. "It's not about exclusion," clarified Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau during a press conference held at a Tim Hortons drive-thru. "We just want to create a safe space where trade policies can mature like a fine cheddar – undisturbed by sudden announcements of 500% levies on hockey pucks."

Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador revealed the wall will feature rotating sections to "let reasonable ideas come through," including a special revolving door for former Trump advisors seeking asylum after tell-all book deals. Early prototypes show decorative elements like Mountie-shaped buttresses and luchador mask-inspired parapets.

A cartoonish Trump figure in a business suit trapped inside a transparent snowglobe labeled 'FREE TRADE ZONE' while two stylized figures representing Canada and Mexico pour molten syrup over the base

Economic analysts note the wall's innovative "Tweet Diffuser" system, which routes all social media posts through a joint committee of Quebecois poets and Oaxacan mezcal brewers before release. "We've calibrated it to convert 'COVFEFE' into actual trade policy proposals," said lead engineer Rosa Martínez. "Turns out mistranslating 'hamberders' through five layers of bureaucracy creates surprisingly functional infrastructure bills."

The project has drawn unexpected bipartisan support, with U.S. border state residents reportedly volunteering materials. "I'm donating my collection of 2016 campaign yard signs," said Arizona resident Chip Johnson. "They make excellent lightweight roofing – just like the Mexico-paid wall Trump promised us."

A surreal landscape where the U.S.-Mexico border wall transforms into a children's ball pit at the Canadian border, with smiling diplomats playing chess using giant chess pieces shaped like avocados and hockey pucks

As construction begins, geopolitical experts warn of potential side effects including a black market for "Make America Grate Again" cheese shredders and the emergence of a new time zone called "Trumptown Standard Time" that runs 47 minutes behind reality. Meanwhile, the former president reportedly offered to "build a better wall around myself" using classified documents and Mar-a-Lago shrimp cocktail garnishes, though engineers remain skeptical of the structural integrity.

"At least this way," remarked Trudeau while adjusting his ceremonial trade war beanie, "we can finally contain the concept of 'winning so much you get tired of winning' to a controlled environment. Think of it as a zoo for protectionist rhetoric – educational, but with proper safety railings."