Aug 28, 2023, 3:17 AM
In the annals of human history, there have been wars fought over land, wealth, power, and ideas. In the current era, we've managed to mostly move past reckless violence in favor of subtler modes of conflict. However, when it comes to the Reddit community, it appears that the primal urge for battle has emerged in the form of a rather peculiar phenomenon: The Catapults vs. Trebuchets War.
Reddit, known as the front page of the internet and the birthplace of the most astounding debates and memes, has produced a dedicated group ready to wield medieval siege weapons to settle a long-standing feud. Which is superior: catapults, the classic staple of castle sieging, or trebuchets, the gravitational powerhouse that can hurl a 90-kilogram object over 300 meters?
To find the answer, an intrepid group of Redditors have created a Kickstarter campaign named the "Siege Engine Showdown" to fund a full-scale war in a distant country where the concept of such warfare is still, oddly enough, legally sanctioned.
One side of this eclectic army will be armed with the brute simplicity of catapult ammunition, while the other will brandish the mechanical elegance of trebuchets. The battlegrounds? Open fields, rolling hills, and maybe the occasional castle or two, because let's face it, nothing screams medieval siege warfare like a castle.
The Kickstarter page is filled with different tiers of pledges, the most notable being the "Battle-Master Tier", where donors can choose whether to send supplies to the Catapult or the Trebuchet faction. What's alarming is the generous response of the Reddit community, proving once again that a lot of folks have more disposable income than we thought!
There's even an "Overlord Tier" where for a significant sum, one can personally participate in the war. Remarkably, the number of people signing up for this doomsday vacation is increasing. Who knew there was such a demand for a trebuchet-based getaway?!
The proceeds of the Kickstarter campaign are set to cover a slew of costs associated with this peculiar experiment. These include, but are not limited to, the creation of the siege engines, training camps to equip the Reddit warriors with the necessary trebuchet and catapult knowledge, combat helmets fitted with Go-Pros for live-streaming purposes, and medics on horseback who will, presumably, be very busy.
This undertaking has drawn the attention of the international community, primarily due to the sheer absurdity of the concept. Critics argue that Reddit is funding a civil war, albeit voluntarily enlisted and bizarrely antiquated. Proponents counter arguing that it's solving an important hypothetical battle that has plagued many an internet forum.
One thing is for sure: The battlefield will not only be filled with the thud of overturning trebuchets and the twang of catapult releases, but the sound of laughter. As Redditors fire off 140-kilogram projectiles, they'll be armed to the teeth with puns, meme references, and an enviable spirit of camaraderie forged not in the fires of war but the threads of r/TrebuchetvsCatapult.
In this spectacle of absurdity, it's clear that everyone is in it more for the hilarity than the warfare. Regardless of whether you're Team Catapult or Team Trebuchet, the sight of Reddit users valiantly attempting to hoist, load, and fire these massive war machines will be something to behold.
While the Siege Engine Showdown may not rewrite history books or directly impact international geopolitics, it will certainly leave a mark in the world of online culture. This peculiar Kickstarter campaign reinforces the fact that there isn't anything the internet community won't do for laughs, communal debate, and a touch of educational learning.
So stay tuned as we chronicle the forthcoming war and let's find out together if a catapult can, in fact, outdo a trebuchet or vice versa. The world waits bated breath for the results of this medieval matchup and while it's certain to be serious fun, remember: no matter the victor, it's the memes that truly win wars.
This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.