China's Revolutionary Method for Submarine Concealment: It's Wetter Than You Think

Sep 24, 2023, 10:45 PM

In a groundbreaking revelation that has left the international community completely flabbergasted, China has been discovered to be using the sea - yes, you heard us right, the big wet thing that covers most of our planet - as a place to hide submarines. Astoundingly, resources suggest that this may have been going on undetected for several decades. Perhaps it's time to revisit that phrase "there's plenty of fish in the sea", for there's evidently plenty of submarines there too.

You might ask, why the sea, of all places, as the optimal spot to conceal the machines of underwater warfare? They're not even painted sea-blue for seamless assimilation like a game of 'Where's Wally?' Well, the answer might just stun you; it turns out the sea is actually large, wet, and deep. Who knew?

In other cloak-and-dagger findings, experts are suspecting that planes may be hidden in a vast expanse called the 'sky', and land might be used for, brace yourselves, hiding tanks. Multiple suspicious clumps of trees worldwide are under investigation for possibly being 'forests' used to cloak infantry.

Diplomats from around the globe have hailed this as a strategic breakthrough. “We've been deploying our submarines in ponds, lakes, and even public swimming pools all over the world,” a flabbergasted Pentagon official was heard saying, realising how much valuable sea-estate they had been missing out on.

Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists are asking the truly hard-hitting questions like, "Could this mean China is also hiding water rafts in the sea?” “Where might the sharks be lurking?” and "Is Aquaman a undercover Chinese agent?"

Even Google had to admit that when people were searching 'how does China hide their submarines', it assumed they were asking 'where does China hide their submarines on land'. It seems like the joke's on us, and the key to the perfect heist was evidently simplicity, not complexity.

On the flip-side, marine biologists worldwide are expressing concern over marine life confused by the submerged machinery. There were unconfirmed reports last Tuesday of a pod of dolphins mistaking a nuclear-powered 8511 submarine for a particularly unsocial humpback whale.

In conclusion, it's clear that the Chinese tactics have thrown the world for a loop. Who would have thought that submarines, of all things, were hidden in the sea? What a novel idea! Truly, this is an exciting moment in human history. Stick around for the next breakthrough discovery; perhaps birds are using the sky to travel. The possibilities appear truly groundbreaking.

This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.