Jun 13, 2023, 5:22 PM
In a bewildering blunder, the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) has been left reeling after uncovering that the organization has been mistakenly using black highlighters instead of fluorescent ones for the past 75 years. This jaw-dropping misstep has led to generations of agents struggling with mountains of indecipherable paperwork, as classified documents ended up cloaked in darkness.
The CIA director, Wilma Hauser, spoke at a press conference in Washington D.C., expressing astonishment and embarrassment about the situation. "We are currently working tirelessly to collect all black-highlighted documents and assess the losses that the agency has suffered due to this seemingly minor mistake," Hauser said.
The origins of this mishap can be traced back to 1947 when the CIA was founded. A simple typographical error in the newly established agency's office supply catalog led to the accidental order of black highlighters. Unbeknownst to the founding agents, this error would have lasting consequences.
"I first realized something was amiss when I came across a black-highlighted document from the '60s in our archives. I initially thought it was a joke, but after digging deeper, I realized the scale of the issue," said an archivist who wished to remain anonymous. "We just wanted to find something to keep our pens company in the drawers."
For decades, agents unknowingly submitted hundreds, if not thousands, of unreadable reports. Due to the Clandestine Nature of the Agency, no one dared to question the overarching darkness of the documents.
"It was a well-known secret in the organization," one former field agent confided. "We thought it was a security measure, so nobody would accidentally see sensitive information. It wasn't until I left the agency when I realized how bizarre it was."
A historian and expert on intelligence agencies, Prof. Samuel Barnes, weighed in on the societal impact of this revelation. "It's astounding that one of the most powerful intelligence organizations in the world, responsible for providing information and analysis for the president and senior policymakers, could overlook such a glaring oversight for so long."
With an abundance of unreadable documents in their possession, the CIA is resorting to innovative methods to salvage the lost information. To uncover the text obscured by the black highlighter, agents have reached out to top cryptographers and former crossword puzzle champions.
On the other hand, proponents of information transparency are demanding that these documents be released, as the government cannot restrict access until they become readable. "This is an unprecedented opportunity for the public to get a glimpse into the workings of a secretive organization," said Alice Miller, the spokesperson for the International Transparency Institute.
As the CIA tries to remedy one of their darkest secrets, out of the shadows emerges a sense of humility and vulnerability for a hitherto impenetrable organization. Who knows what other mysteries are hiding within the Bureau's Stygian archives? The quest for truth carries on despite, or perhaps because of, the Black Highlighter Blunder.
This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.