City Hall Inaugurates Statue Honoring the Oldest Pothole in Town

In a move that has left taxpayers both baffled and weirdly nostalgic, Springfield officials unveiled a 12-foot bronze statue today commemorating the city’s most enduring landmark: the 43-year-old pothole on Maple Avenue. The crater, affectionately nicknamed “The Grand Canyon of Commutes,” has survived 17 mayoral administrations, three repaving attempts, and a misguided 2004 proposal to turn it into a public swimming pool.

“This pothole represents our shared resilience,” declared Mayor Hank Thompson during the ribbon-cutting ceremony, which was delayed 45 minutes due to a flat tire caused by the very hole being honored. “It’s not just a cavity in asphalt—it’s a testament to our ability to ignore problems until they become cultural touchstones.” The statue, which cost $850,000 to construct, features a hyper-realistic recreation of the pothole’s signature jagged edges and an eternal puddle of suspiciously green rainwater.

Historians note that the pothole first appeared in 1981 after a particularly enthusiastic snowplow encounter. Since then, it has served as a rite of passage for new drivers, a muse for local poets (“Ode to a Suspension System”), and the unofficial mascot of the city’s annual “Infrastructure Awareness Week.”

Not everyone is celebrating. Local mechanic Jim Baxter, whose shop has repaired over 4,000 pothole-related tire blowouts, grumbled: “Maybe next they can build a monument to the raccoon that keeps chewing through my trash cans. It’s been here since 2015.” Meanwhile, tourism officials are already selling “I Survived the Maple Avenue Abyss” T-shirts, with proceeds earmarked for a new statue rumored to honor the traffic light that’s been stuck on yellow since 1998.

The ceremony concluded with a choir singing a rewritten version of “We Are the Champions” and the unveiling of a time capsule filled with broken hubcaps, a jar of asphalt dust, and a single orange traffic cone. It will be buried beneath the pothole—or as the plaque now calls it, “a geological wonder of municipal neglect.”

Mayor Thompson assured citizens that the statue “in no way impacts our commitment to eventually fix the actual pothole,” tentatively scheduled for 2045. Until then, visitors are encouraged to toss coins into the hole for good luck, though officials remind the public that retrieving them “is done at your own risk.”