In a move that has left political analysts, geographers, and moose alike scratching their heads, the United States has announced the annexation of Canada. The decision, which was reportedly made over a heated game of Monopoly between world leaders, has sparked widespread protests, confusion, and an unexpected surge in maple syrup sales.
The annexation, dubbed "Operation Maple Embrace," was officially declared at a press conference held at the border, where American officials unveiled a new flag featuring 63 stars and a maple leaf. The event was marked by a ceremonial exchange of Tim Hortons coffee and Dunkin' Donuts, symbolizing the new union.
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, who was reportedly informed of the annexation via a text message, expressed his surprise and mild annoyance. "I thought it was a prank," Trudeau stated, "but then I saw the giant American flag being hoisted over the CN Tower, and I realized they were serious."
Protests erupted across Canada, with citizens taking to the streets armed with hockey sticks and polite but firm demands for independence. In Toronto, a group of protesters formed a human chain around a Tim Hortons, chanting, "Our syrup, our rules!" Meanwhile, in Vancouver, a peaceful protest was held on a flotilla of canoes, with participants singing "O Canada" in perfect harmony.
In response to the annexation, the United States has promised to adopt several Canadian customs, including the nationwide celebration of Boxing Day and the mandatory use of the phrase "eh" at the end of every sentence. Additionally, the White House has announced plans to convert the Lincoln Memorial into a giant ice rink, in a gesture of goodwill.
Despite the protests, some Canadians have embraced the change, citing the potential benefits of joining the United States, such as access to cheaper healthcare and the ability to finally understand American football. However, many remain skeptical, fearing the loss of their unique cultural identity and the potential invasion of bald eagles.
As the world watches this unprecedented geopolitical development, one thing is certain: the continent will never be the same. Whether this union will lead to a harmonious blend of cultures or a series of awkward family dinners remains to be seen. For now, Canadians and Americans alike are left to ponder the age-old question: what exactly is poutine, and why is it so delicious?
