Daleks Spend $100 Million on Super Bowl Ad to Clarify They’re Not “Robots,” Just “Emotionally Misunderstood Squid People in Armor”
In what marketing analysts are calling “the most expensive plea to stop being called a toaster with opinions,” the Daleks purchased a reportedly $100 million Super Bowl ad slot Sunday night to inform Earth that they are not robots—despite their unmistakably metallic appearance, their fondness for yelling, and the fact that they spend most of their time gliding around like an aggressive office printer.
The commercial, titled “It’s Not a Body, It’s a Lifestyle”, opened with a slow-motion montage of Daleks rolling wistfully through a field of sunflowers, while a gentle piano version of “Daisy Bell” played—an artistic choice that, according to several viewers, “did not help the robot allegations.”
“We are NOT robots,” the ad’s narrator insisted, as a Dalek gazed into a mirror and softly whispered, “I am more than my casing.” The narrator went on to explain that the Dalek shell is “simply protective armor,” comparable to a human wearing a winter coat, except the coat is a weaponized tank with a plunger and a deep commitment to universal annihilation.
A Rebrand 60 Years in the Making
The Dalek Empire’s decision to invest Super Bowl money into species clarification comes after years of frustration stemming from what they describe as “casual biological erasure.”
“For too long we have been stereotyped as ‘robots,’ ‘trash cans,’ and ‘angry traffic cones,’” said Dalek spokesperson KX-9 Public Relations Unit—who, it should be noted, insisted it was a “spokesperson” and “not a unit,” and then immediately introduced itself as a unit. “This is harmful and reductive. We are a proud race of mutated lifeforms inside a travel machine. Like hermit crabs, if hermit crabs had lasers and unresolved feelings about the concept of mercy.”
Insiders say the Daleks have been especially stung by recent Earth merchandise trends, including a popular children’s toy described as “Robot Vacuum: EXTERMINATE Edition.” Daleks claim the toy “trivializes their culture” and “does not even exterminate crumbs effectively.”
“We have standards,” KX-9 added. “Also, crumbs are insignificant. But the principle is important.”
The Commercial’s Key Message: “Please Stop Asking Where the Batteries Go”
The 60-second ad (extended to 90 seconds in select markets due to what Fox called “unexpected levels of screaming”) featured several Daleks removing their outer casings in a carefully lit, tastefully censored sequence clearly designed to resemble a luxury fragrance commercial.
In one scene, a Dalek shell stands open in a white studio space like a high-end suitcase, while the living creature inside addresses the camera directly:
“I am not a robot. I am a being. I feel—” it begins, before a producer rushes in to whisper something off-camera, prompting the creature to correct itself. “I do not feel. Feeling is weakness. But I am not a robot.”
The ad concluded with the slogan:
“DALEKS: MORE THAN METAL.”
(With the required fine print: “Metal outer casing sold separately. Extermination not available in all states.”)
Marketing experts note that the slogan is a bold pivot from the Daleks’ previous brand identity, which consisted entirely of screaming a single verb at maximum volume and then following through on it.
Earth Viewers React: Confusion, Concern, and Immediate Meme Production
The commercial was watched by an estimated 120 million viewers, including millions who had never encountered a Dalek before and assumed the ad was a particularly aggressive promotion for a kitchen appliance.
“I thought it was for a new kind of air fryer,” said Nebraska resident Linda Grange, 44. “Then it started talking about ‘purity of the Dalek race’ and I realized it was probably a political ad.”
Social media erupted within seconds. Hashtags like #NotARobot, #ArmorNotBody, and #LetDaleksBeDaleks trended worldwide, while a counter-movement, #ShowUsTheChargingPort, quickly gained traction among skeptics.
One viral post read: “If you’re not a robot, why do you have a plunger?” The Dalek Empire has not responded directly, though analysts believe this is because they do not have a satisfying answer.
The Daleks’ PR Crisis: When Your “Look” Does Not Match Your “Genocide”
Dalek historians say the identity confusion is a side effect of a deeper public relations problem: the Daleks’ outward aesthetic strongly suggests “automated security system,” while their internal philosophy suggests “xenophobic fascism in a pepper shaker.”
“It’s a branding mismatch,” explained Dr. Helen Rawson, professor of Interstellar Communications at the University of Wigan. “People see the shell and think ‘robot.’ But the Dalek is actually a living organism piloting a biomechanical war platform. So it’s closer to… a very angry, heavily armed snail driving a hate tank.”
Rawson added that the ad’s attempt to appear relatable might have backfired slightly. “The softness of the tone is undermined by the fact that every Dalek sentence sounds like it ends in an execution.”
Indeed, focus groups reported that they found the Daleks “surprisingly vulnerable” right up until the point where the ad gently reminded viewers that “all non-Dalek life is inferior and will be destroyed.”
Rival Species Accuse Daleks of “Performative Organicism”
Not everyone is buying the Daleks’ new image. The Cybermen released a competing statement less than an hour after the commercial aired, accusing the Daleks of “organic clout chasing.”
“Daleks claim they are not robots,” said a Cyberman representative, staring into the distance with dead-eyed conviction. “Yet they rely on technology for survival. Curious. Also, we would like to announce we are not ‘tin men,’ we are ‘enhanced humans,’ and we are launching a Super Bowl ad next year featuring Ed Sheeran being upgraded in slow motion.”
Meanwhile, the Autons reportedly considered airing a rebuttal but were unable to secure the budget after spending most of their funds on mannequin maintenance.
Daleks Defend the Price Tag: “It Was Either This or More War”
When asked why they spent $100 million on a single ad instead of, for example, purchasing a small nation or upgrading their fleet, the Dalek Empire said the expenditure was strategic.
“Perception is power,” said KX-9. “Also, we were going to invade, but we were advised that ‘brand clarity’ is essential for long-term domination. Humans are more likely to accept extermination if they understand you are not a robot.”
Sources inside the Dalek Empire claim the ad campaign is only the beginning, with future initiatives reportedly including:
A TikTok series called “Dalek or Not?” where viewers guess whether a screaming metal cylinder contains an organism
A limited-edition athleisure line branded EXTERMINATE™ (tagline: “Comfort you can conquer in”)
A podcast titled “Under the Armor” featuring intimate conversations about supremacy, self-care, and selective genocide
Coming Soon: The Dalek “Unboxing” Video Nobody Asked For
Industry insiders also report that the Daleks are currently in talks with several streaming platforms to develop a behind-the-scenes documentary, tentatively titled “Keeping Up With the Daleks”, which will follow one Dalek family as they balance home life with their commitment to eradicating all that is not them.
Early footage allegedly includes a touching scene in which a young Dalek expresses a desire to become a sculptor.
“Art is weakness,” replies its parent, gently, before vaporizing the clay.
A New Era of Dalek Messaging: “We’re Alive. You’re Still Inferior.”
By the end of the night, the Daleks’ ad had accomplished something few campaigns ever manage: it made the public briefly consider the feelings of an intergalactic killing machine.
Whether that empathy lasts is another question.
As one viewer summed up while packing up Super Bowl snacks and checking their locks: “Sure, okay, they’re not robots. But they still seem like the kind of guys who would erase my entire species over a misunderstanding about batteries.”
The Daleks, for their part, say they are thrilled with the response.
“Humans are talking,” said KX-9. “That is what matters. Awareness is the first step. The second step is extermination.”
At press time, the Daleks were reportedly exploring a follow-up campaign clarifying that they are also not “vaguely British,” but rather “cosmically inevitable,” and that the accent is “simply how supremacy sounds.”