In a move that has redefined family communication standards, Defense Secretary Chad Worthington admitted this week to sharing intricate details of a planned sensitive overseas operation in his family's Signal group chat, "Worthington Clan Connect." When questioned, Worthington robustly defended his actions, stating it was a crucial part of his ongoing effort to "foster familial closeness" and "keep everyone in the loop."
Sources confirm that nestled between blurry photos of his nephew's T-ball game and heated debates about potato salad recipes, Worthington posted detailed satellite imagery, target coordinates, and proposed timelines for the upcoming military action. "Look, my job is demanding," Worthington explained during an impromptu press conference held near a vending machine. "I miss a lot of birthdays, anniversaries... bake sales. Sharing a few operational details now and then? It's how I connect. It lets them see what Daddy does all day, beyond just signing requisitions for industrial quantities of staples."
Reactions within the "Worthington Clan Connect" chat were reportedly mixed. Uncle Barry, a retired plumber, apparently replied with, "Needs more pincer movement, Chad. Always go for the pincer." Cousin Brenda inquired if the operation would clash with her planned spa weekend, while Grandma Worthington simply sent a Bitmoji giving a thumbs-up, followed by, "That's nice dear, are you remembering to floss?"
Pentagon officials, when reached for comment, seemed momentarily flustered before issuing a statement that they were "actively reviewing internal communication protocols" and considering adding a "Don't Share State Secrets With Your Nana" clause to security briefings. An anonymous source suggested Worthington genuinely believed he was engaging in team-building. "He kept talking about synergy and leveraging family assets," the source sighed. "I think he thought Aunt Carol's prize-winning schnauzer could provide valuable ground reconnaissance."
Secretary Worthington remains unrepentant. "Frankly, the feedback was invaluable," he insisted. "My brother-in-law, Dave? He works in logistics. Pointed out a potential flaw in our supply chain routing. You can't get that kind of insight just anywhere. This wasn't a leak; it was crowdsourced strategic refinement. It's the future of defense. And family." He reportedly later pitched a "National Security Family Fun Day" complete with classified document scavenger hunts.