The man responsible for holding the Discworld together—literally, according to recently declassified paperwork from the High Energy Magic building—has finally granted an interview. Known only as "The Author Avatar" (though he insists on being called "Gary" when off-duty), he was spotted frantically juggling seventeen floating teacups while muttering about "narrative causality leaks" outside Unseen University. "It’s not easy, you know," he sighed, nearly dropping a cup labeled ‘Existential Dread (Decaf)’. "One minute you’re ensuring the Patrician’s eyebrows convey just the right amount of sardonic disdain, the next you’re patching holes where fans keep trying to insert cryptocurrency exchanges into Ankh-Morpork. Honestly, the audacity."
When asked about the persistent "GNU Terry Pratchett" graffiti appearing on reality’s footnotes—a tribute fans etch into every edition of his books—the Avatar visibly perked up. "Oh, that! Bless them. Keeps the narrative threads from fraying. Though last Tuesday, a particularly enthusiastic fan tried to add ‘GNU Terry Pratchett’ to the actual footnotes of The Colour of Magic. Caused a minor temporal hiccup where Rincewind briefly spoke in Markdown. Had to roll back to version 4.2. We lost three hours of Tuesday. Dreadful for the pub schedule." He then paused to swat a rogue footnote that had grown teeth and was nibbling his shoelace.
The Avatar also addressed growing tensions with the Librarian, who has reportedly become obsessed with "modern communication devices." "He’s got a smartphone now. Stole it from a tourist. Keeps trying to ‘optimize’ the Library’s Dewey Decimal system with TikTok algorithms. Yesterday he replaced all the ‘Dangerous Magic’ section with ASMR videos of orangutans flipping pages. Utter chaos. I had to bribe him with a crate of bananas and promise not to mention the incident in the next book." He shuddered, adjusting his spectacles, which were inexplicably made of solidified moonlight.
Most alarmingly, the Avatar revealed that "reality patches" are becoming increasingly frequent due to "unauthorized fan theories." "Someone on the clacks net decided the Discworld runs on blockchain. Blockchain! Now the elephants’ hooves keep glitching into NFTs. We had to ground Great A'Tuin for a week while we debugged the celestial mainframe. All I wanted was a quiet cuppa and a custard cream, but no—apparently, the dwarfs are demanding ‘decentralized mine governance’ now. Next they’ll want voting rights for pickaxes." He dabbed his brow with a handkerchief that briefly turned into a small, confused badger before reverting.
When pressed about future "patches," the Avatar sighed, accepting a hastily offered ginger nut from a passing student. "Just tell them... tell the fans... if they must meddle, could they at least stick to the good bits? Like ensuring every city guard gets a decent sandwich. And maybe stop trying to make ‘narrativium’ a cryptocurrency. Oh, and for Rincewind’s sake, stop asking if he’s secretly a time traveler. He’s just very good at running away. Now, if you’ll excuse me, the Luggage just filed a union grievance. Something about ‘unpaid emotional labor.’ Honestly, the audacity." He vanished in a puff of logic, leaving only a single, slightly singed biscuit and the faint smell of burnt narrative.