In what can only be described as a daringly radical effort to boost military efficiency and stir long-dormant geometric debates, the Department of Defense (DoD) has roused the nation with a formative announcement: the iconic Pentagon building, a symbol of US military power, is to be out-angled by a newcomer on the block, the Hexagon.
This staggering move, viewed by some as a watershed moment in our understanding of solid geometry and by others as an insidious intent to fuddle the mathematical illiterates among us, certainly puts the 'defence' back into the Department of Defense. It has also reawakened ancient debates harking back to the times of Euclid and his contemporaries, who are doubtlessly turning in their graves at the arrival of this six-sided newcomer.
The announcement has understandably shaken up the foundations both literally and metaphorically. Straight from the horse's mouth: “It was a tough decision,” lamented a seasoned Pentagon official, who wished to remain unnamed in fear of retribution from enraged right-angles. “It didn’t sit well with us that the Pentagon only had five angles. Our enemies have been exploiting this arithmetic inadequacy for too long, so we decided to add an extra angle for enhanced security.”
Consulted mathematicians echo the Pentagon official's sentiment. “It’s a well-known fact that hexagons are the most efficient, least wasteful shape in nature. Bees have understood this for centuries," shared Dr. Rhombus, a renowned mathematical biologist, "Adding an extra angle will decrease the length of the walls, saving material expenses. It also allows for faster communication between offices, and let's face it, five desks in a meeting room just doesn’t cut it anymore.”
The news has spurred the birth of an entire industry, with fashion designers, home decor specialists, and even hexagon-based startup businesses quickly jumping on this hip new six-sided bandwagon. On the less jovial side, the struggling Pentagonal Pizza Co., known for its five-sided pizza slices, has filed for bankruptcy following the announcement.
This sea-change won’t come without difficulties, however. As leading construction engineers somberly warn: “Transforming a pentagon into a hexagon isn’t as simple as popping an extra angle in. We’ve got contractors arguing about whether we should borrow an angle from a nearby rectangular building, or if chopping off the tip of the Washington Monument would suffice.”
Despite such concerns, the air is buzzed with renewing energies and anticipation with numerous construction sites hinting at this brave new hexagonal future. As we sit on the cusp of this seismic shift, let us embrace the future, as anguished as it may be, and welcome our new hexagonal overlord with open arms (and angles).
To quote the age-old adage: "Out with the Pentagon, in with the Hexagon!" Or something like that. Geometry was a long time ago - don’t quote us on it.