Wibble News Create new article

DOGE Audit Uncovers $130M 'Hello, World!' Project: "We Wanted to Over-Engineer Simplicity," Says Dev Team

In a shocking revelation this week, auditors tracing Elon Musk’s infamous "DOGE" cryptocurrency discovered $130 million funneled into a shadowy initiative codenamed Project Greeter—a global consortium of developers tasked with creating the most unnecessarily complex "Hello, World!" applications in coding history.

A Shiba Inu wearing a lab coat and glasses, pointing at a computer screen displaying 'Hello, World!' in 72pt Comic Sans, surrounded by stacks of cash and a whiteboard filled with equations

According to leaked documents, the project’s GitHub repository includes over 14,000 forks of "Hello, World!" programs, each requiring a minimum of 14 dependencies, three cloud servers, and an NFT-based authentication system just to display the phrase. One standout example, HelloWorld++, uses machine learning to analyze the user’s facial expression before printing "Hello, World!" in a "contextually appropriate font." Another, HelloChain, requires developers to mine a new blockchain to generate each character.

"Simplicity is overrated," said lead architect Jürgen Von Overkomplikat during a press conference held in a metaverse replica of the 1995 Windows desktop. "Why print two words when you can build a scalable microservices architecture that eventually prints two words after checking with six APIs?"

A whiteboard covered in absurdly convoluted flowcharts connecting 'User Input' to 'Hello, World!' output, with labels like 'quantum middleware' and 'AI-driven sentiment analysis layer'

The project’s funding breakdown, obtained via a Dogecoin ledger, shows $87 million was spent on inventing new JavaScript frameworks (ReactHello, VueGreeter), while $22 million paid for "ethical compliance consultants" to argue that "Hello, World!" should not trigger GDPR concerns. The remaining funds allegedly went into a failed attempt to train feral raccoons to debug Python scripts.

Musk responded to the controversy via tweet: "This is why we need Mars. On Mars, ‘Hello, World!’ will require at least one rocket. Also, buy flamethrowers."

A Doge meme sitting on a throne of gold bars, holding a sign that says 'MUCH CODE. VERY COMPLEX. WOW.' with tiny programmers bowing before it

Meanwhile, the Project Greeter team has already announced their next venture: a $250 million initiative to reinvent the "Goodbye, World!" program using blockchain, VR, and ethically sourced coffee beans. Early alpha testers report it currently crashes 98% of the time—a feature, not a bug.