The Bureau of Scaly Revenue (BSR) has launched an emergency investigation after discovering that nearly 80% of hoarded dragon assets in the Kingdom of Eldoria are improperly categorized as "emotional support treasure." Sources confirm that Lord Ignis Scalebeard, a notoriously flamboyant red dragon residing in Mount Smolderpeak, attempted to write off his entire magma bath as a "home office expense" under Section 42-B of the draconic tax code. BSR auditors, all trembling goblin accountants in asbestos-lined suits, arrived Tuesday to find Scalebeard’s cavern strewn with crumpled scrolls labeled "FORGETFULNESS DEDUCTION" and "SQUIRREL-RELATED LOSS."
"This isn’t just negligence—it’s fiscal arson," declared BSR Commissioner Grumblewort Thistledown, whose press conference was repeatedly interrupted by accidental smoke signals from his own stress-induced tail flicks. "Dragons have been claiming entire villages as 'business travel accommodations' and listing stolen princesses as 'dependent contractors.' One submitted a receipt for 200 pounds of 'dragon-sized glitter' as a 'necessary camouflage expense'!" The glitter, later traced to a failed Etsy side hustle called "SparkleWyrm," has since been confiscated and repurposed for the royal children’s finger-painting program.
The crisis deepened when auditors realized dragons had been using "accidental hoard-melting" as a tax evasion tactic. Lady Emberwing of Cinder Hollow allegedly "tripped" into her gold pile 347 times last quarter, reducing taxable assets by 60%. Meanwhile, a coalition of disgruntled kobolds has filed a class-action lawsuit, claiming dragons routinely deduct "moral compensation" for "excessive cuteness" when stealing their shiny trinkets. "They took my lucky bottle cap!" wailed Kobold Representative Sizzlefizz. "Now they’re writing it off as 'community engagement outreach'!"
BSR officials now require all dragons to submit Form DRG-888 ("Declaration of Reasonable Hoard Size") by next solstice, complete with notarized testimony from at least three terrified villagers. Non-compliant dragons face penalties including mandatory accounting lessons from sentient abacuses and temporary reassignment to counting royal sheep. In a last-ditch effort, Scalebeard has petitioned to classify his entire mountain as a "tax-exempt geological formation," citing "lava is just really hot water." The BSR remains unmoved, though whispers suggest they’re drafting new loopholes for "dragon-sized emotional support squirrels."
As tensions rise, the Royal Treasury has quietly installed fireproof shredders in every dragon lair. "It’s not paranoia," insisted a treasury aide while dousing a suspiciously warm scroll with enchanted snow. "It’s just prudent fiscal dragon management."