In a groundbreaking move that has left psychologists and grocery store managers alike scratching their heads, the American Psychiatric Association has updated the DSM-5 to include a new diagnosis: "Cart Abandonment Syndrome" (CAS). This addition aims to address the perplexing behavior of adults who, despite having two functional legs and a clear path to the cart return, choose to leave their shopping carts stranded in the parking lot.
According to the new criteria, individuals diagnosed with CAS exhibit a persistent pattern of cart abandonment, characterized by an inability to return shopping carts to designated areas, even when it is socially expected. Symptoms may include a sudden urge to flee the scene after loading groceries into the car, a belief that the cart will magically return itself, and an irrational fear of cart corrals.
Dr. Ima Pushcart, a leading expert in the field of shopping cart psychology, explains, "This behavior is more than just laziness. It's a complex interplay of environmental factors, personal history, and a deep-seated belief that shopping carts are sentient beings capable of finding their own way home."
The inclusion of CAS in the DSM-5 has sparked a flurry of debate among mental health professionals. Some argue that it pathologizes a minor social faux pas, while others believe it highlights an important aspect of human behavior that has long been ignored. Meanwhile, grocery store owners are rejoicing, hoping that the new diagnosis will lead to a decrease in rogue carts and an increase in parking lot harmony.
Treatment options for CAS are still in the early stages of development. Proposed interventions include cognitive-behavioral therapy, exposure therapy involving repeated trips to the cart corral, and a controversial method known as "cart immersion," where individuals are surrounded by shopping carts until they develop a sense of empathy for the abandoned trolleys.
As the world grapples with this new diagnosis, one thing is clear: the humble shopping cart has become more than just a vehicle for groceries. It is now a symbol of our collective struggle to do the right thing, even when no one is watching. So the next time you find yourself in a parking lot, remember: returning your cart is not just a courtesy—it's a step towards mental wellness.