EA Closes Doors, World Rejoices: The End of an Unpopular Era

Jun 7, 2023, 3:55 PM

In a shocking turn of events, gaming giant Electronic Arts (EA) has announced its closure, prompting outbursts of joy and relief from gamers around the globe. Fireworks lit up the sky in major cities, while social media overflowed with memes celebrating EA's demise. From iconic franchises like The Sims to the controversial business practices that have plagued EA in recent years, gamers and industry pundits are now reflecting on the legacy the company leaves behind and how its departure will affect the gaming industry moving forward.

Long-held grudges against the company have surfaced in the wake of the news, with gamers the world over competing to create the most scathing meme or the wittiest zinger to commemorate EA's closing. The creative output has truly been nothing less than awe-inspiring; it's as though the entire world were simultaneously struck by a tidal wave of sarcastic insight.

One gamer, who goes by the handle "LordofMicrotransactions," told of his excitement: "It feels like Christmas, but better. You know, because EA isn't around to ruin it with a microtransaction holiday special, or 'Santa's Loot Box Extravaganza.'" Others couldn't help but join the chorus of celebration, with impromptu "EA Is Dead" parades sprouting up like mushrooms after rainfall.

But amid the heartfelt relief, some gamers have expressed a hint of sadness. "I'll miss hating on them, to be honest," admitted one long-time detractor, clad in black as though mourning a dearly departed arch-nemesis. "It's the end of an era, really. So many friendships were built on our shared hatred. Without them, we'll probably have to find something else to be mad about together. Twitter should still supply us with enough fuel for that, I suppose."

Industry analysts, too, have had their say on EA's ignominious end. Many predict that EA's collapse could disrupt the gaming landscape by creating a power vacuum. "I'm both terrified and excited to see who will step up and lead the charge now that EA is out of the picture," ventured one (rather dramatic) commentator. "Will Ubisoft become the new king of microtransactions? Will Activision take the crown as the most reviled company in the industry? It's anyone's game!"

Unsurprisingly, the news of the company's demise has also given rise to a slew of conspiracy theories. Some blame nefarious corporate forces for the shutdown, while others suspect that the shadowy figure known only as "EAExec88" orchestrated the company's downfall for his or her own inscrutable purposes.

The closure of EA has created an unprecedented outpouring of spontaneous global rejoicing; it's a phenomenon that may well be studied by sociologists and party planners alike for years to come. The World Health Organization has even declared this outpouring of joy a significant factor in reducing global stress levels. Reaction videos of gamers receiving the news have made for an unexpected spike in YouTube's "happy crying" genre, while therapists around the globe are suddenly twiddling their thumbs as clients no longer need to vent about EA's suffocating microtransactions.

Indeed, the demise of EA seems to have given gamers a newfound sense of hope and optimism. "It's like a weight has been lifted," said one overjoyed gamer clenching a dragon-shaped beer stein. "Who knows what fantastic worlds we'll explore now, without EA breathing down our necks? It's a bright new day for gaming!"

Whether you were among the countless gamers who shed tears of joy upon hearing the news or one of the few who finds themselves mourning the last remnant of a provocateur, one thing is for sure—the gaming landscape will never be the same. Now that the dust has settled and gamers everywhere pick up their controllers for another day, they may do so with a lighter heart and broader horizons on the gaming landscape they so love. For better or worse, the end of EA's unpopular era has arrived, and the world will remember this moment for decades to come.

This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.