Elon Musk Appoints Dogecoin as Chief of Monetary Policy, Announces ‘Fiscal Falcon Heavy’ to Fix Inflation

In a surprise press conference held atop a SpaceX rocket gantry, Elon Musk revealed his first act as "Temporary Treasury Overlord" would be replacing the U.S. dollar with a "more aerodynamic currency." Flanked by engineers welding a giant Dogecoin logo to the side of a Falcon 9, Musk declared: "Fiat money is dead weight. We’re putting the economy on a diet of pure crypto-thrust."

The announcement sent shockwaves through Wall Street, where traders reportedly scrambled to short the GDP. "We’ve optimized the national debt for re-entry," Musk tweeted later, alongside a render of the Statue of Liberty holding a "To the Moon!" sign. When asked about inflation, he suggested launching consumer price indexes into "a heliocentric parking orbit until they behave."

Critics were quick to point out flaws in the plan. Former Fed Chair Jerome Powell, now reportedly training as a SpaceX mission specialist, muttered to reporters: "Interest rates can’t melt steel beams... or can they?" Meanwhile, the IRS announced it would begin accepting tax payments in Starlink loyalty points and flamethrower vouchers.

The boldest move came hours later, when Musk’s new "Department of Rocketized Finance" released blueprints for the Fiscal Falcon Heavy – a triple-booster economic stimulus package literally designed to achieve escape velocity. "Each rocket contains $1 trillion in crypto-backed quantitative easing," read the press release. "Guaranteed to reach Mars orbit or your recession-free."

As the first launch window approaches, citizens are divided. Some are building backyard bunkers from recycled Tesla Cybertrucks, while others crowd-source funding to put their student loans on the lunar payload manifest. When asked about contingency plans, Musk simply grinned: "Failure is not an option. But if we crash the economy, we’ll just reboot it from the cloud backup."