Newsflash: The English language has made an unprecedented move in a bid to adhere to its strict vowel-only policy. In an announcement that has stunned the linguistic world, it has been confirmed that all vowels will be removed from the alphabet effective immediately.
The news has left elementary school teachers frantically scrambling to create a new ABC song for their students, while linguists are struggling to predict how this change will affect the language going forward.
As you can imagine, reactions to the announcement have been mixed. While some language purists are hailing the move as a necessity to preserve the purity of the language, others are calling it a farce that will only serve to make the language more difficult to learn.
Many are also speculating on how words will be spelled without the use of vowels. Will "tree" become "tr"? Will "run" be spelled "rn"? Only time will tell.
As expected, the internet has been alight with reactions to the shocking news. Twitter user @LinguaNerd tweeted, "I guess we'll have to start using emojis for communication since we can't spell anything correctly anymore #VowelBan."
Meanwhile, Facebook user @GrammarPolice had this to say on a post about the topic: "This is a violation of grammar rules and I demand the English language be restored to its former glory. Who's with me?"
Despite the uproar, it seems the English language is determined to stick to its guns and enforce a zero-tolerance policy on vowels. This begs the question: what's next? Will we be expected to communicate solely using hand gestures and interpretive dance? Will we have to invent a whole new language just to keep up with this ever-changing linguistic landscape?
One thing is for certain: this is just the beginning of what promises to be a long and fascinating chapter in the history of the English language. Who knows where we'll go from here?
