In a shocking turn of events, the English language has been stripped of all its consonants, leaving nothing but a series of vowels and confusion in its wake. The motive behind this bizarre act is still unknown, but linguists and grammarians alike are scrambling to decipher the new rules of communication.
The first sign of trouble was evident at spelling bees across the nation. Participants were struggling to spell the simplest of words, such as "apple" and "cat". Without consonants to anchor and distinguish the words, the bee quickly devolved into a game of pure chance. Participants could only guess at what they were trying to spell, hoping that their vowel sequences were correct. Needless to say, the bee was declared null and void, much to the disappointment of the participants and the audience.
Scrabbles tournaments suffered similarly. Without the common consonants that held the game together, players found themselves grasping at straws to form any semblance of a word. Words like "facade" and "quest" were now impossible to construct, replaced instead with strings of vowel that looked like a dog vomited on the board. It was the death of the beloved word game, leaving players to mourn in silence over the loss of their favorite pastime.
But perhaps the greatest impact is felt by everyday people, who now struggle to communicate with one another. Casual conversation has become a sea of "oohs" and "ahhhs", with raised eyebrows and exaggerated hand gestures filling in for what used to be consonants. Asking for directions or ordering food has become a Herculean task, with many opting to simply point at things and grunt to get their point across.
But the lack of consonants has not been without its benefits. Singing enthusiasts have suddenly been blessed with the ability to hit high notes that were previously outside their range. Tongue twisters are now a thing of the past, eliminated in favor of vocal acrobatics that test the limits of human vocal cords. Linguists and scientists are also studying the potential effects of this linguistic shift on the human brain, with some speculating that a new era of language processing may be upon us.
As we navigate this uncertain terrain, it's important to remember that language is a constantly evolving entity. Our vowels-only world may seem strange and scary, but who knows what other surprises the future holds? One thing is for sure, though - the next time you're ordering a sandwich, you might want to brush up on your interpretive dance skills, just to be safe.
