In an announcement that sent shockwaves through the spiritual world, Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan has been declared the new Dalai Lama. The news was met with a mixture of confusion and excitement in the Buddhist community, with many wondering what impact Erdogan's distinctive style would have on the faith.
Erdogan, who is known for his bombastic public appearances and grand gestures, wasted no time in outlining his vision for the future of Buddhism. In a press conference held shortly after the announcement, he promised to bring a distinctly Turkish flavor to the traditionally peaceful religion.
"We want to make Buddhism great again," he declared, to the sound of some awkward coughing from his audience. "And what better way to do that than by introducing Turkish delight to every monastery in the world?"
The response was muted, to say the least. However, Erdogan was undeterred. In his view, the unique properties of the sweet treat - which is made from a combination of sugar, starch, and flavorings - made it an excellent tool for promoting his vision of a revitalized Buddhism.
"It's got everything," he continued, his voice rising to a crescendo. "Texture, flavor, and a distinctive aroma that will transport you straight to the bazaars of Istanbul. We think it's going to be a real hit with the monks."
Reaction to the announcement has been mixed, with some traditionalists expressing concern that Erdogan's appointment represents a slippery slope towards commercialization and standardization of a sacred tradition. However, others have pointed out that it is precisely this sort of iconoclastic thinking that has kept Buddhism relevant and vibrant over the centuries.
"Who knows, maybe he's onto something," mused one monk, speaking on condition of anonymity. "After all, stranger things have happened in the history of religion."
At the time of writing, it is not yet clear when Erdogan will assume his new role, or what specific changes he intends to make to the Dalai Lama's traditional remit of promoting peace, nonviolence, and compassion. However, given his flamboyant style and ever-present Twitter account, it seems safe to predict that we can expect plenty of surprises along the way.
One idea he is said to already be mulling over is commissioning a series of new statues of the Buddha, cast in his own likeness. According to insiders, the president is said to be "pretty pleased" with the initial designs, which depict him in various poses symbolizing peace and unity.
No word yet on whether they'll be holding a Turkish delight in one hand, though.
