Europe's Leaders Host Ukraine Summit, Forget to Send Zoom Link to Trump

In a stunning display of diplomatic coordination, European leaders convened a high-stakes virtual summit on Ukraine this week – only to realize minutes before start time that former U.S. President Donald Trump had been left off the attendee list. The oversight was discovered when French President Emmanuel Macron noticed Trump’s trademark gold-plated username wasn’t flashing angrily in the waiting room.

Sources confirm the 37-nation conference descended into chaos as officials scrambled to locate Trump’s current email address. “We tried Mar-a-Lago’s general inquiry form, three different Truth Social accounts, and even his 1996 AOL address,” confessed an anonymous EU staffer. “At one point, we considered sending a plane to write the meeting ID number in skywriting above Palm Beach.”

The former president reportedly spent the 12-hour summit period live-tweeting complaints about “the worst voter fraud since my golf handicap” and sharing screenshots of his frozen Microsoft Teams trial version. Meanwhile, participants endured technical difficulties including German Chancellor Olaf Scholz accidentally activating a cat filter during his opening remarks and Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni’s microphone picking up the unmistakable clink of espresso cups.

Post-summit analysis revealed the Zoom link had been buried in a 147-page PDF attachment titled “EU_Ukraine_Action_Plan_FINAL_v12_APPROVED.docx.” Critics argue this constitutes a security breach, as the document could’ve easily been intercepted by Russian hackers – or anyone capable of staying awake through its section on agricultural subsidy harmonization.

In a surprise twist, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy later thanked organizers for the omission, noting “it’s the first peace talk in years where nobody suggested building a wall across the Dnieper River.”

EU Commission President Ursula von der Leyen defended the logistical mishap: “This proves our commitment to digital sovereignty. If American politicians want to join our meetings, they’ll have to develop their own video conferencing platform – preferably one that doesn’t crash when you try to spell ‘Schrödinger’s sanctions.’”

The bloc has announced plans for a follow-up hybrid summit in 2025, to be hosted entirely on a yet-to-be-invented Web4.0 platform requiring EU digital identity wallets and a working knowledge of Estonian.