The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) is known for having strict requirements for pilots to ensure the safety of air travel. However, our investigative reporter has uncovered a shocking truth behind the FAA's pilot testing process: a requirement for pilots to perform a satanic ritual before receiving their Private Pilot License (PPL).
According to sources, the ritual involves reciting an incantation and drinking a mixture of animal blood and Mountain Dew, a practice believed to grant pilots supernatural abilities and protect them from mechanical failures and turbulence. Some pilots who have gone through the process claim that it has helped them navigate through difficult situations during flights, while others believe it's just a formality that doesn't affect their abilities whatsoever.
One pilot, who wished to remain anonymous, shared his experience with the ritual. "I was skeptical at first, but I figured I had nothing to lose. I recited the incantation and drank the concoction, and I have to say, I've had some pretty smooth flights since then. The only downside is that now I have a bit of a hankering for Mountain Dew."
Another pilot, who also wished to remain anonymous, had a different experience. "Honestly, I thought it was ridiculous and refused to do it. But then the FAA threatened to revoke my license, so I had to go through with it. Needless to say, I don't think it made any difference in my abilities as a pilot."
But the real question is, why does the FAA require this ritual? Is it a necessary safety measure or just a bizarre tradition? Some speculate that the FAA has been infiltrated by a secret society of Satanists who are pushing their beliefs onto pilots. Others believe that it's just a quirk of the FAA's testing process that has become ingrained over the years.
Regardless of the reason, pilots are now faced with the choice of participating in this satanic ritual or risking losing their license. Is it worth it for the chance of a smoother flight, or is it an unnecessary inconvenience that should be eradicated from the testing process? Only time will tell.
