Sep 11, 2023, 9:44 AM
In a world where teenagers armed with magical, pocket-sized creatures go on epic journeys to answer life's most profound questions, like "Can I beat the local gym leader?" and "When will my blooming Rattata ever evolve?" there exists an entity so uncharacteristically stylish, it demands attention. It's Team Rocket, the villainous vogue-set in red jackets that never miss a day at the gym, or an opportunity to steal Pikachu!
Let's start with the red jackets themselves. You'd think that James and Jesse have a sponsorship deal with the crimson-colored apparel industry. Though their uniforms are about as stealthy as a Gyrados in a kiddie pool, it seems they've taken the age-old pantomime nous of wearing something loud to announce: "Look at us, we're the bad guys!"
Conformity is all the rage in the Rocket household. Or perhaps it's just cheap when buying in bulk from Uniqlo.
One must wonder though, do these outfits come with a lifetime supply? Has anyone ever seen a Team Rocket member in anything but a fitted red jacket? Perhaps there exists a secret underground bunker, filled to the brim with red fabric and discount coupons for Crispy Creme.
The best part of this undergraduate fashion fiesta? The beautiful blend of bike gang aesthetics and K-12 school uniforms. It's as if Rex Kwon Do from 'Napoleon Dynamite' was handed the reins to design an entire line of school uniforms and decided, "Yeah, red karate pyjamas, but jackets."
To be fair, it's not all bad. In some subconscious, pop culture influenced way, the red jackets do add an intimidating factor. After all, what screams "authority" more than a trio of young adults dressed in the same attire, espousing the virtues of Pokemon theft while riding a motorcycle?
However, what truly seals the sartorial deal is their mascot, Meowth. Now glossing over the fact that Meowth walks upright and speaks English (which to some, may indicate a giant evolutionary leap, but to me, suggests Meowth may have been fed some dubious 'herb' as a kitten), he's almost always seen in a fetching...nothing. Yes, you read that right. The one creature who could benefit from some clothing is the one left to strut his fur in its natural state.
It's a strange world.
In the grand scheme of Pokemon universe crimes – legendary creature smuggling, destructive battles in city centres, and not forgetting that preposterous bicycle price at Cerulean City – Team Rocket's fashion choices may not be the worst offense. But it's certainly a crime against fashion!
So, here's a call to arms for all those aspiring trainers out there. The next time you cross paths with this wild bunch, make sure to combat their uniform usurpation with a Pidgey feather boa or a Jigglypuff inspired tutu. Show them the true power of creative expression. Petition to blend the boundaries of style in this critically acclaimed franchise. And most importantly, always remember, if a Meowth tries to lecture you in human language, it's probably high.
This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.