Behold, a gala beyond imagination, far removed from the realm of common couturiers sashaying down red carpets. Yes, the day arrived where our aristocratic and so-often indifferent feline friends came face-to-face with their natural nemesis, the attention-seeking canines. Yet, that's not all; also joining the party were birds of every feather, vivacious donkeys, majestic horses, and even a plucky little turtle or two.
Ever witnessed a python wrapped around a Dior bodice? Not a metaphorical python, but an actual, hissing, snaky python gracing the hourglass torso of an aghast Siamese cat, supposed to be the belle of the ball. Our correspondent also reports a pair of lovebirds, Mademoiselle Chirpette and Captain Squawk in Alexander McQueen feathered creations, perched comfortably on a catwalk — pun very much intended.
Such has been the fashion revolution witnessed at this year's Met Gala. The traditional extravagant display of nudity-inclined human supermodels was overthrown by furry fashionistas and feathered divas. Even the usually stolid fashion editors could not mask their surprise as kangaroos, pranking about in Prada, hopped from table to table, while raccoons rifled through purses, and peacocks dazzled attendees with their plumage dioramas depicting the entire Yeezy season collection.
With the new rulebook torn to shreds and nestled in the luxe coats of Chloe-obsessed chinchillas, the fashion landscape has entered a new era. The criteria for high fashion have graduated from 'who's wearing the designer' to 'what species is wearing the designer.' Purring and squawking replaced words, while hooves and beaks wrote the chic commandments. For the first time, fashion critics were compelled to broaden their knowledge beyond hemlines and haute couture, grappling with species-specific terminology. A flurry of bird voices singing reviews for creations left even the most poised fashionistas flapping around dazedly.
Much to designer dismay, insects were not spared either. Mantis matriarchs balanced precariously on lilypads, diabetic beetles with diabetes ordered vats of nectar, and arachnids spun silver web crowns, making a mockery of the thirst for glittering tiaras. Fascinatingly experimental, these creatures set the bar for haute-couture at new, daunting altitudes, treading - or perhaps crawling? - where no man or woman had dared to before.
In the end, it seems that the 'Human Gala' has quite effectively and entertainingly morphed into a 'Pet Gala'. So, as we bid adieu to an unforgettable night, we leave you with this note: Next year, should you wish to join in the fur and feather madness, remember, humans - if given access at all - might just be allowed in if they're adequately dressed... as, let's say, a goldfish in Dolce & Gabbana. Now wouldn't that be a sight for Golden Retriever eyes?