Flat Earth Society Accuses NASA of Pushing Spherical Mars Propaganda

Jun 7, 2023, 1:48 AM

In a surprising turn of events, the Flat Earth Society has shifted its focus from disproving the globe model of Earth to addressing NASA's alleged spherical Mars propaganda. According to the Society's most recent statement, Mars is, in fact, a cube and not the sphere depicted by the space agency. The Flat Earthers have demanded that NASA stop spreading false information about the cubical red planet immediately.

The Society held an emergency press conference last week to address this critical issue. Their spokesperson, Lyle Archimedes, had strong words for the space agency.

"NASA has been brainwashing us with spherical Mars propaganda for decades!" Archimedes shouted passionately, as he stood before an audience of journalists and conspiracy enthusiasts. "We, the members of the Flat Earth Society, can no longer remain silent about this blatant deception! Our in-depth research has conclusively proven that Mars is a perfect cube, and we demand that NASA acknowledges this fact and ceases its globe-mongering!"

To back up these bold claims, the Society presented a variety of evidence, including alleged eyewitness accounts, obscure cubist art, and a host of incomprehensible graphs and mathematical equations that appeared to have been scribbled on a cocktail napkin.

The most striking piece of evidence was a photograph of what appeared to be a Martian landscape, dominated by a large, cube-shaped mountain in the background.

"This image is undeniably proof that Mars is not a sphere, but rather a giant, cosmic cube!" Archimedes exclaimed, gesturing with wild enthusiasm. "NASA must answer for its long-standing campaign of lies and disinformation, and we must accept nothing less than the truth!"

Social media platforms erupted in response to the press conference, with flat Earthers from across the world rallying behind this bizarre new cause. Enthusiastic supporters adopted the hashtag #CubedMars and created complicated (or perhaps merely confusing) infographics to visually represent their innovative theories.

Meanwhile, outside of the flat Earth community, the press conference left many puzzled and amused. Some jokingly speculated that Martian real estate values were primed to skyrocket due to the increased audience now interested in renting a cubed vacation home.

NASA, for its part, has mostly ignored the Flat Earth Society's bold accusations. Their spokesperson, Dr. André A. Périgée, offered the following carefully worded statement during a regularly scheduled press briefing:

"We appreciate the enthusiasm of individuals who are passionate about space exploration, regardless of their beliefs. While the Flat Earth Society is certainly entitled to its opinions, our scientific data continues to reveal a spherical Mars. We are committed to transparent communication of all our findings and invite everyone to join us in the journey of understanding the universe around us."

As it stands, it's unlikely that NASA will cede to the Society's demands. Future Mars missions are already in full swing, with space agencies from around the world making plans for crewed missions to the red planet. In fact, some astronauts may even be able to observe the elusive cube-shaped Martian mountains firsthand, and settle this interplanetary shape debate once and for all.

Until then, the Flat Earth Society's claims about a cubic Mars remain as controversial and perplexing as ever, serving as yet another reminder of the boundless creativity, imagination, and determination of those questioning the accepted reality.

This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.