Following the footprints of the tech pioneering, Google has announced they will be introducing a groundbreaking security feature. Currently in the works, the audacious tech overlord plans to bolster its user security by introducing the unprecedented Infinity-factor Authentication (IfA). Yes, ladies and gents, you read it right.
"While other lesser companies are stuck in their primitive two-factor or three-factor authentication, we at Google have leapfrogged to infinity-factor authentication," stated the newly appointed Head of Google HyperSecurity, Dr. Daedalus B. Infinite. In an interview held in a parallel universe (because, really, where else?), Dr. Infinite added, " We are not only leaps and bounds ahead of others when it comes to serving ads, but also pan-dimensional universes ahead in security."
How does the Infinity-factor Authentication work, you ask? Well, as per the press releases, each step in the IfA process is subtly different than the last. For the first step, you start off by typing in your username and password, just like in the good old days. Next, you are required to enter a one-time code sent to your associated email, mobile, pager, carrier pigeon, smoke signal, or ESP.
Then you're required to decipher a Captcha, that might be a distorted image/text, a mathematical problem, solving a Rubik's cube, or perhaps translating War and Peace into Klingon – all personalized to your interests, of course. Each subsequent layer adds an ever so slightly more complex process, ranging from reciting pi to the 6000th decimal, to finding out what love truly means, to calculating the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (European, not African, thank you very much).
It's also rumored that some of the later steps include building a fully functional replica of the Starship Enterprise, inventing a perpetual motion machine, and quantifying just how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. And, mind you, that's only getting halfway through. The further steps are stored in an enigma, which is kept in a paradox box, locked inside Pandora's box, and buried under the Sphinx's left paw.
As absurd, as exhausting, and as insane as this may sound, Google claims that the security advantage granted by IfA justifies the intensive labor required. Before you go and hashtag "cancelgoogle" on your social media, do comprehend that it's not all doom and gloom. On completion of every 500 steps, you get a complimentary Google Play redeem code for a kiddie pool's volume worth of jellybeans.
In an exclusive comment to The Wibble, the all-seeing Google algorithm complexly coded, "Sorry, I cannot disclose any more details on this topic. However, did you know that your college friend Mark just got a puppy? I thought you'd want to know!"
Interestingly, the innovative move has already sparked a revolution. "Inspired by Google, we're incorporating infinity-factor annoyance," updated the Head of Zoombombing Innovations. Online education platforms have also joined the bandwagon, with the upcoming "Infinity Homework Submission Process," already sending shudders through the study-from-home student community.
So, for all those who were tired of that muscular Nigerian prince emailing them about the fortunes they've inherited, say hello to Google's Infinity-factor Authentication. All aboard the frustration express, with stops at every number, from one to infinity!