As dawn broke on a sleepy Tuesday morning in the small town of Osoyoos, British Columbia, the buzz of construction rang out on 85th Street – a sound as familiar as the chirping of the local finches. The pavement, lined with local shops offering everything from hand-knit wool sweaters to maple-glazed doughnuts, was being torn up for a planned, sleek, new shopping plaza. Yet, as one digger unearthed a heap of earth with a puff of exhaust, a chilling discovery sparked silence over the typically humming site.
Silence hung in the air as the workman's shovel skidded to a stop, revealing not rocks or underground piping, but --- brace yourselves --- a skeleton. Not your pedestrian dinosaur skeleton either (we've all seen that one on display at the museum), but a human one, lying in eternal slumber beneath 85th street. The townsfolk, clad in flannel robes and clutching cups of steaming black coffee, watched from their porches as the skeleton's 200-year-old secret spilled onto the construction site. Who could have seen it coming? Certainly not Jim Bob, the bulldozer operator, now unofficial archaeologist.
A pristine human ribcage lay nestled between the worker's boots, wrapped in the remnants of what appeared to be an intricately crafted burial shroud from the 1800s. Jim Bob called out to the other guys on the site, his voice a shaky surrender to the surrealism of the unfolding scene.
The entire construction operation ground to an eerie halt. Edna, from the local bakery, started offering comfort pastries to the perturbed workers. But even her infamous pumpkin muffins could not bring back the cheerful hum of the machinery and the excited chatter previously resonating from the site. The gawkers, previously excited spectators to the dawn of a new shopping era, found themselves in an unexpected intermission of a history documentary, but without David Attenborough's soothing narration.
Nick, the crew boss, had received many calls in his time. "We've hit a pipe!"..."Umm..Nick, we've paved over Dom's lunch again." But never, "Err...Nick, we've discovered an ancient burial ground." He was rendered speechless, and yes, Nick was the type of man who wouldn't spare words with a chatty door-to-door salesperson. The size of the situation was harder to swallow than Edna's dry scones on a mid-July afternoon.
Soon the local news outlets heard about the eerie discovery, their excitement was palpable. The promise of a potentially “haunting” news story had reporters swarming the site like ants to a dropped ice-cream cone. A local archaeologist, Dr. Phyllis Bones, was called in to offer her expert commentary, her silver hair and stern expression a striking contrast to the usual Bob the Builder aura we usually see on the site.
When questioned about the builders' unexpected findings, Dr. Bones commented, "It's like finding a time capsule, but with more dust. And skeletons." The skeletons, she hypothesised, possibly belonged to some forgotten ritual burial ground. Or, considering the town's peculiar history, could even be aliens who'd got too curious about maple-glazed doughnuts. Stunned and scratching their heads, the local folks were met with an unexpected twist, leaving them with more questions than answers.
Construction may have halted, but intrigue in Osoyoos was being built by the second. From the breakfast tables to the local tavern, theories ranged wildly – lost settlers, a secret love triangle, or even a tragic Doughnut Eating championship long, long ago. The grave secret of 85th Street had breathed new life into the town’s curiosity.
In the coming weeks, rigorous investigations and archeological expeditions will search for answers. As of now, Osoyoos waits with bated breath as its sequestered past peels off its layers, one shovel at a time. Follow 'The Wibble' for more updates from the unplanned historical saga of 85th Street. Brace yourselves, Osoyoos townsfolk, for we might have stumbled upon the greatest story your town has ever been buried under!