H-Fever: 10 Steps to Subdue Your Fascination for The Little 'H'

Dec 25, 2023, 3:39 PM

The world is a peculiar place, but one of its most peculiar institutes remains the wild, wide world of fonts and letters. It is here that we find delicate, fragile souls, straddling the thin line between sanity and the abyss, because of unwanted, feverish fascinations for the letter 'H'. You might recognize them; friends, family, colleagues, suddenly seized with unquenchable desire to compulsively use the letter 'H'.

Yet, fear not! We’re here to help with a gentle, guiding hand; a hilarious “how-to” list of ten steps either to satiate or stifle your alphabetic ardor.

  1. Hide the Haul of H’s: Limit your exposure! If you’ve hoarded thousands of 'H' stickers, or have an exquisite collection of 'H' honey pots – it’s time to hide them in a high, hard-to-reach corner of the house.

  2. Hire Help: Find a therapist. Preferably one whose name does not begin with an 'H'. You need to share your feelings, not stimulate them.

  3. Hallucinate Healthy Hewing: Picture a world where the letter 'H' does not exist. It may be hard at first, but give it a steady go. Orcs, witches, and capybaras -oh my!

  4. Humble the Habit: Refrain from unconsciously uttering words that start with ‘H’. Alright, no more 'Hello', it is ‘Salutations’ from now on!

  1. Harvest the Hostility: Look for rival letters. Often, the key to moving beyond an obsession is to find a new one. The 'J' and 'K' are strikingly quite dazzling!

  2. Hypothesize the Hurt: Visualize it. The letter 'H' has hurt you, it has betrayed your trust by leaving an intrusive thought.

  3. Hoodwink the Heart: Distract yourself. This could include other interests, hobbies or simply watching paint dry. There is limitless fun potential!

  4. Haunt the Heavens: Look up weird facts about 'H'. Knowing that 'H' stands antepenultimate in the population percentage of usage in English language might make it seem less overwhelming.

  1. Harness the Highlight: Accentuate the positives. Learning to use ‘H’ in a positive manner or learning its importance can help alleviate obsessions.

  2. Highlander, the Honored: Remember that 'H' is just another alphabet caught in the scheme of things, it's not the "There Can Be Only One" Highlander scenario.

By adhering to these ten H-encapsulated steps, we assure you that any negative feelings associated with the shape, sound, or even the mere existent memory of the letter 'H' will become a thing of the past. If all else fails, there's always the shake-proof coat (another 'H'? Hell, no!).

So, whenever you find your thoughts veering dangerously towards that curvy horizontal bar and its two stalwart side-kick verticals, halt, redirect yourself, and remember: you can't spell 'happiness' without an 'H', but you certainly can't spell 'hysteria' or 'hopeless' without it, either.

This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.