How Aliens are Adjusting to Earth's Woke Culture

In recent intergalactic happenings, we've discovered an alien species is attempting to assimilate to our ever-evolving ‘woke’ culture. So much so, that they’ve even begun to use terms like ‘Yass Queen’ and ‘Bae’ when addressing their superior overlords. Not to mention, every morning they gather around their large, luminous, spaceship dashboard, markedly similar to our beloved coffee houses, to discuss the latest trends on earthly Twitter.

Take a gander at their morning routine right here:

These Venusian beings have taken intentional strides to eliminate single-use plastics from their spaceships, adopting bamboo straws for their space-slurpie consumption. We may not have solved the climate crisis yet, but hey, at least our outer-space guests are pitching in where they can.

A secret source (the name Roger was dropped, thanks Roger!) let slip that these aliens have been furtively attending Zoom meetings for social causes, debates, and revolutions. All the decryption, translating, and disguising mechanics behind their participation remains a mystery to us, of course. But what is clear is that, just like the best of us, they love to take a stand on issues they barely comprehend.

The gender pronouncements of these Venusian beings are quite noteworthy. The propagation of pronoun badges on their green, glistening bodies has become quite the rage. 'He/His', 'She/Hers', 'They/Them' neatly embossed on these badges, have abolished any chances of misgendering altogether. In fact, these badges have become more like intergalactic status symbols. The more you have, the higher you move up in the extraterrestrial hierarchy.

Recently, an uproarious incident occurred when an alien was found passionately delivering an 'All Lives Matter' speech. Instantly, another member of the congregation blasted him with a ray of realization, quite similar to our earthly epiphanies minus the laser beams. The alien, thereafter, has declared himself an ally and now champions for 'Martian Lives Matter'.

Hence, the Venusians’ commitment to keep up with terrestrial customs is applaudable. Alas, the sad fact remains that even as these aliens strive to become more ‘woke’ than ever, most earthlings can just about manage to drag themselves out of bed in the mornings.

YOU: a mere human in pajamas stuck at home in a pandemic.

THEM: hyper-evolved aliens influencing intergalactic diplomacy from the comfort of their zero-gravity cushions while sipping on galaxy-famed slurpies.

Moral of the story? Earth needs to step up its game. First, we made everyone on Earth go woke, and now it’s working on terrifying visitors too. Somewhere in a parallel space-time continuum, Shakespeare is wishing he was an alien, the easiest way to avoid his cancelation.

So, let’s take a minute, and as they say, “Keep Calm and Let Alien Wokeness Prevail.” Do try to keep up, humans.