In a shocking turn of events that would leave any romance novel enthusiast in shambles, local wife Lisa O'Connor became irate upon discovering that her husband, John, had completely forgotten the anniversary of the day they mutually agreed to cease celebrating their anniversaries. The episode has quickly become the talk of the town, leaving neighbors and friends bemused, with their only solace being that none of that infamous green bean casserole was involved.
The couple, who have been married for 15 years, had decided to stop celebrating their annual milestones three years ago due to a rather unfortunate incident involving an intoxicated mariachi band, a trampoline, and a police complaint.
"The whole idea behind agreeing to never celebrate our anniversaries again was to avoid arguments and disappointment," stated an utterly perplexed John. "I just didn't see this coming. I spent the whole day rereading 'The Art of War' cover to cover like we agreed!" He argued that since no party took place, so there was nothing to remind him of the agreement.
Feeling utterly bamboozled, John resorted to calling a "relationship expert" to help him understand his wife's grievances. Dr. Nora Lovezenstein stepped up to the plate, hoping to shed some light on the situation. Her explanation offered a glimmer of hope for John to understand his wife's anger. "You see, it's not the non-anniversary that is the issue here, but rather the fact that John had completely forgotten about their agreement. It's a violation of trust, and quite frankly, makes for a brilliant subplot in my upcoming relationship advice book."
Meanwhile, Lisa complained that John also could not recall the exact anniversary date when, on their seventh year of marriage, they agreed to replace the anniversary cake with a pineapple upside-down cake to fully embrace their adventurous spirits. "He didn't even remember that on our eleventh anniversary, we switched to celebrating with a daily 'we're not divorced yet' high five!" Lisa proclaimed.
Undeterred by his wife's criticisms, John remains obstinate in his defense. "Honestly, I just can't comprehend why she's angry. We agreed to stop celebrating anniversaries—and isn't that itself an anniversary? How is that even possible? It defies all logic!"
Despite the seemingly irreconcilable differences, the couple has agreed to attend couple's therapy at the insistence of Dr. Lovezenstein, where they will work through a series of exercises designed to help them remember all the agreements they've made over the years. "It's crucial that both partners remember everything they've agreed upon in their marriage, even agreements to forget things," said Dr. Lovezenstein.
In an effort to avoid future non-anniversary related arguments, John and Lisa are reportedly considering entering into a 'forgetfulness agreement,' wherein they'll commit to consistently forgetting the anniversary of the day they agreed to forget the anniversary of the day they agreed to stop celebrating their anniversaries. However, the jury is still out on whether this course of action will prevent even more surprising memory lapses.
As the couple takes a tumultuous ride through the rollercoaster of strategic forgetfulness and memory lapses, the world watches in awe. Will John and Lisa find the perfect balance to forgo annual celebrations without any repercussions, or is this just the beginning of a new wave of unmarked calendars, passive-aggressive remarks, and great material for future satirical articles? Only time and an army of therapists will tell.