The world was stunned today following the news that the Chair of the Federal Reserve, Jerome Powell, is also an accomplished musician. In a shocking turn of events, Powell's hitherto unknown talent, first displayed at a charity fundraiser last night, has had an unprecedented and unexpected effect on global markets.
At the event, Powell took to the stage with a guitar slung over his shoulder, and proceeded to unleash a blistering solo. Audience members were transfixed as the Chair shredded his way through the notoriously difficult "Through the Fire and Flames" by DragonForce. Witnesses reported feeling a sense of awe and disbelief as Powell's nimble fingers worked their magic on the fretboard, while others were left wondering how someone who appeared so buttoned up and reserved in official settings could unleash such a rock and roll side.
However, it wasn't until reports began to spread of a significant tumble in the stock market that the broader impact of Powell's performance began to emerge. Eyewitnesses say that immediately following the end of the song, there was a sudden, almost palpable shift in the atmosphere, as if the very air itself had shifted. It was then that reports began to filter in of dropping share prices, of panicked traders frantically trying to cover their positions. The US dollar weakened against other currencies, and markets around the world began to show signs of panic.
"It was like nothing I've ever seen before," said one trader who witnessed Powell's performance. "One second everything was normal, and then it was like the world turned upside down. I couldn't believe we were seeing such volatility in such a short space of time." Others described a feeling of exhilaration mixed with fear, as they struggled to make sense of what was happening.
As the dust begins to settle, central bankers and financial experts are still trying to make sense of what just happened. Some are saying that the effect of Powell's performance may have been purely psychological, that the impression left on those who watched him play led to a sudden loss in confidence and a resulting sell-off. Others, however, are not so sure. They point to statistical anomalies that suggest more than just a coincidence. One economist, who wished to remain anonymous, told The Wibble, "There's something here that we're not grasping yet. We need to make sense of this before it happens again."
Of course, the unanswered question on everyone's lips is what this means for Powell's future role as the Chair of the Federal Reserve. At present, there is no indication that his job is in jeopardy, but some are questioning whether someone with such a powerfully destabilizing effect on global markets is truly fit for the job.
Meanwhile, Powell himself has remained tight-lipped about the incident. Attempts to reach him for comment have so far been unsuccessful, though sources close to the Fed have suggested that the Chair is "very unhappy about the whole affair." Whether or not Jerome Powell will continue to moonlight as a shredding guitarist remains to be seen, but one thing is certain - the markets will never be the same again.
