Jesus Returns, Takes One Look at Humanity, and Bounces
It finally happened, folks. After centuries of anticipation and some failed predictions, Jesus himself returned to Earth to check out how civilization was doing. Unfortunately for us, he didn't like what he saw and peace'd out pretty quickly, leaving behind just a few choice words. Needless to say, we were all a little shook up. Here's what went down:
First, let's talk about how Jesus came back. I'm not gonna lie, I was expecting something a little more dramatic than just a guy strolling down the street, dressed in a white robe and sandals with a beard and long hair. But hey, I guess if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Anyway, he wandered around for a bit, taking in the sights and sounds of our modern world, until he settled on a park bench to rest his feet and take out his phone.
That's right, Jesus — the savior of humanity, the Son of God — had a smartphone. When asked about it, he just shrugged and said, "Gotta keep up with the times, right?" I mean, I guess he's got a point.
So there he was, scrolling through his Twitter feed, when a group of onlookers finally gathered around him. They gasped when they realized who he was — how could they not? But Jesus didn't seem to be in the mood for a big speech or a miracle or anything like that. He just wanted to vent.
"Y'all are really something else, you know that?" he said with a sigh. "I mean, I go away for a couple thousand years and come back to this? It's like nobody learned anything from my whole 'love thy neighbor' thing. You're still fighting with each other over the same petty nonsense. You're still hoarding wealth and power and ignoring the ones who need it most. You're still polluting and destroying the planet I gave you to take care of. What gives?"
The crowd was silent. Nobody knew quite what to say to the Lamb of God telling them they'd disappointed him. Then, just as suddenly as he arrived, Jesus got up from the bench and started walking away. "I'm out," he announced. "I can't deal with this right now."
Before long, he was gone, leaving the people of Earth to ponder his words. And in retrospect, maybe he had a point. We're not exactly living up to his message of peace and love. But hey, at least we got a cool story out of it.
