Jul 19, 2023, 2:09 AM
In the misty, dragon-filled past yonder commonly referred to as the Middle Ages, quaint sparks of civilization eked out an existence against formidable odds. Here, in the time of mud huts, Black Plague, and, of course, noble knights - one peculiar group stood out. The Knights who say 'nee.' However, times are a-changing, and these eternal anachronisms have taken it upon themselves to evolve their lexicon. Gone are the days of 'nee,' the modern world calls for something more... woke!
Among the cobblestoned streets, amidst the grand halls and around the mythic foreboding forests, there's a new echo to contend with, a fresh one at that. The Knights have traded in their iconic cry of 'nee' for the far more contemporary 'YOLO.' Cries of 'Swag!' and 'FOMO!' reverberate within castle walls, replacing the once-familiar 'Nee.' It's an attempt to connect with the younger generations, to remain in the collective memory, to be more than just that odd troupe from a Python skit.
But the transformation goes beyond mere phrases. With the advent of a bizarre device quaintly referred to as the 'smartphone,' the knights have taken to navigating social media. Sir Gawain the Green posts absolutely smashing TikTok dance challenges, manages an Instagram account with a commendable following, and has a verified Twitter handle!
Meanwhile, the venerable Sir Lancelot, ever the romantic, has forgone writing epic love letters for a much quicker approach. 'U up?' and 'WYD?' have replaced his once loquacious declarations of love, causing quite the scandal. Let's just say his DMs have seen some real action.
Eminent Sir Galahad, inspired by the botanist influencers, has converted the Holy Grail quest into a hunt for eco-friendly, sustainable lifestyle tips. His Instagram posts of reusable goblets and stirrup-friendly leggings have brought sustainability into the forefront of the Arthurian Court. Who knew Green-ism would make its arrival in the middle ages?
Wizard Merlin, always ahead of his time, was heard, rumor has it, shouting 'Ok, Boomer!' at an aging dragon, replacing the old 'bammos!" spell. A magic incantation just doesn't sound the same, especially when sung to the tune of a 1960s protest song.
Even King Arthur himself has changed his management style, trading his autocratic rulership for a more inclusive approach. 'We Stan A Participatory King,' read the trending medieval tweet. However, he still quite can't grasp the concept of 'cancel culture,' and thinks it has something to do with off days for his subjects. A work in progress, surely.
Speaking of work, these noble knights are now all about hustle culture. Sir Percival has taken to it like a knight to a jousting tournament. 'Rise and Grind' has become his morning battle cry, much to the dismay of his squires who just fancy a good lie-in.
Despite these changes and the inevitable pushback from traditionalists (looking at you, Black Knight), it's impressive how these paragons of the past are keen to move with the times, one 'LOL' at a time. Painstakingly swapping 'nee' for 'LMAO,' the Knights show there is still plenty of life, 'Likes,' and a good bit of alarmingly modern wit left in these old dogs yet.
So, next time you come across an armored rider, remember to keep your 'thee's, 'thou's and 'prithee's' for a rainy day, and just drop a perfectly casual 'Sup, bro!' It might just win you a place in the retinue of the Knights who no longer say 'nee'.
This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.