Throgg "The Unflappable" McGillicuddy, former Dungeon Master of the legendary Campaign of Perpetual Snacks, has seamlessly pivoted into IT management at Synergistic Solutions Inc., claiming the roles are "basically identical if you ignore the fireballs and the health insurance." McGillicuddy, 34, now spends his days crafting intricate technical riddles for his team before vanishing into the break room for "critical biscuit procurement," leaving his staff to decipher cryptic Slack messages like "Why did the firewall cross the network? To get to the other s-side!" (Answer: A terrible pun, obviously).
"Back in the Campaign of Perpetual Snacks, I'd drop a riddle about a goblin hoard, say 'The answer lies within the ancient runes of the server room... or maybe the break room fridge?' and poof—I'd be gone for three hours," McGillicuddy explained while dramatically rolling a d20 behind a potted fern. "Now? Same energy. I Slack 'Why is recursion like a haunted well?' and mute myself. They have to figure out it's because 'it calls itself' before I reappear. It builds character. And ticket resolution time. Mostly character."
His team reports mixed results. Junior Developer Priya Sharma recounted a recent incident: "He sent a message: 'A wizard casts Silence in a Zoom call. What’s the DC to unmute yourself?' Then his status went 'Away: Seeking the Holy Grail of Caffeine.' We spent 45 minutes debating if it was a Constitution save or a Perception check for the mute button. Turns out it was just... the spacebar. He came back laughing and said, 'Critical failure on social skills! Minus 5 XP!'"
McGillicuddy defends his methods, citing "proven tabletop methodologies." He’s replaced traditional stand-ups with "Initiative Rolls," where team members must roll a d20 to determine speaking order ("Low roll? You’re the goblin messenger. Summarize the sprint backlog in 10 seconds or less!"). Performance reviews now involve "Ability Score Improvements," where employees negotiate +2 to "Bureaucracy" or "Coffee Fetching." HR has reportedly filed a formal complaint about "excessive use of 'perception checks' during PTO requests."
"When the server crashes at 3 AM," McGillicuddy declared, adjusting his lanyard adorned with miniature polyhedral dice, "it’s not a 'critical outage.' It’s a 'Tarrasque-level incident.' My team doesn’t just reboot the router—they quest for the lost admin password guarded by the Minotaur of Legacy Code! The adrenaline? Unmatched. Also, I hide the coffee coupons like magic items. Find the +3 Mug of Caffeine, and you get double espresso shots all week."
Synergistic Solutions’ VP of Operations, Brenda Cho, remains cautiously optimistic: "Uptime is up 12%. Morale is... chaotic neutral? He calls Excel macros 'spells' and tried to invoice a 'Dragon Hoard Maintenance Fee' last quarter. But the firewall did stop that phishing attack after he yelled 'Roll for Arcana!' during the breach. So... whatever. Synergy?"