Local Ghost Demands Haunted House Upgrades to 21st Century Standards
A local ghost who has been spooking the same house for over a century has expressed its deep frustration with the lack of modern amenities in its haunted abode. In an exclusive interview with The Wibble, the ghost bemoaned the outdated decor, appliances, and overall vibe of its residence.
"It's honestly insulting," said the ghost, who prefers to remain unnamed. "I mean, I've been haunting this place for over a hundred years, and nothing has changed. The wallpaper is peeling, the furniture is musty, and don't even get me started on the lack of Wi-Fi. It's like the living inhabitants of this house don't even care about my needs as a ghost."
The ghost went on to list a litany of desired upgrades, including a plasma screen TV, a modern sound system, and a state-of-the-art espresso machine.
"I mean, how am I supposed to fully enjoy haunting this place without access to the latest in-home entertainment?" the spectral figure asked. "And the coffee situation is dire. I mean, have you ever tried to find a decent cup of joe in the afterlife? It's impossible. I think it's time for this house to step up its game and provide its resident ghost with the amenities it deserves."
The ghost also expressed particular frustration with the outdated plumbing system, which it claimed makes it difficult to get a good shower going.
"I appreciate that this house has a vintage charm, but there's a difference between vintage and downright decrepit," the ghost said. "It's time to bring this place into the 21st century and update the plumbing, the electricity, and all of the other systems that keep it running. I'm not asking for much, just a few basic amenities to make my afterlife a little more comfortable."
The Wibble reached out to the living occupants of the haunted house for comment, but none were willing to speak on the record. However, our sources say that the homeowners are considering the ghost's demands and may be willing to make some upgrades in the near future.
In the meantime, the ghost plans to continue haunting the house, albeit with a bit more of a modern flair.
"I may not have access to all the latest gadgets and gizmos, but I'm still going to make my presence known," the ghost said. "Maybe I'll start playing some spooky tunes on a vintage record player or something. It's not quite the high-tech entertainment center I was hoping for, but it's a start."
Who knows, maybe we'll see a new trend of ghosts demanding 21st century upgrades in their haunted homes. Only time will tell.
