The quiet suburban town of Pleasantville was rocked by scandal this week when local lawyer James "Precious Jimmy" Johnson was accused by a former colleague of engaging in chicanery and even defecating on a sunroof.
The allegations were made public when Johnson's former colleague, one Mr. Philbert T. Hattington, held a press conference in front of a Sbarro's Pizza on the outskirts of town. Hattington, a disbarred lawyer who has spent the past decade waging a one-man campaign against the legal profession, claimed that Johnson had engaged in a litany of unethical and downright criminal behavior.
"Jimmy and I, we used to be tight," Hattington told reporters. "But then I started to notice some funny business. He didn't seem to be taking his oath to uphold the law very seriously."
According to Hattington, Johnson had been involved in a number of incidents that raised red flags. He alleged that Johnson had helped a client swap license plate numbers with another car to avoid a traffic ticket, and had orchestrated a minor car accident involving a billboard advertising one of his law firm's services.
But by far the most shocking allegation made by Hattington was the claim that Johnson had defecated on the sunroof of a car owned by a rival attorney.
"I know it sounds crazy, but it's true," Hattington insisted. "I saw him do it with my own eyes. He just climbed up on top of the car and let it rip. It was disgusting."
While Johnson has not yet been charged with any crime, the allegations have thrown his reputation into doubt. The local legal community has been buzzing with rumors of further misdeeds, including reports that Johnson has stolen money from cash drawers and shortchanged clients.
Reached for comment, Johnson denied all of the allegations made against him.
"This is all just a bunch of nonsense," he said over the phone. "Philbert Hattington has been nursing a grudge against me for years. He's just trying to smear my good name."
Johnson's clients, however, are less convinced. Many have already begun seeking legal representation elsewhere, fearful that their own cases could be tainted by Johnson's alleged misdeeds.
"It's just too risky," said one client, who wished to remain anonymous. "I don't want to go to jail because my lawyer can't stay out of trouble."
As the investigation into Johnson's conduct continues, one thing is clear: the town of Pleasantville will never be the same again. The image of a lawyer defecating on a sunroof will be hard to erase from anyone's mind, and Johnson's once-impeccable reputation is in tatters.
