When it comes to small talk, some people just can't handle it. Take Kevin from the accounting department, for instance. He loves to wax poetic about the weather and his pet goldfish, Stacy. But one man has found a brilliant solution to avoid Kevin's inane chatter: pretending not to speak English.
According to sources close to the situation, local man David Epstein has been using his language skills (or lack thereof) to avoid Kevin like the plague. It all began when Kevin approached David at the water cooler and began talking about how hot it was outside.
David, who is fluent in English, Spanish, and French, immediately put on a confused expression and said, "No hablo inglés". Kevin looked surprised but undeterred, and began speaking in broken Spanish.
But David had already thought ahead. He replied in fluent Spanish, throwing Kevin off even further. From that moment on, David has continued to pretend not to speak English whenever Kevin is around.
The results have been nothing short of hilarious. Kevin has taken to communicating with David through hand gestures and exaggerated facial expressions. David, for his part, has been using his newfound peace and quiet to get some real work done.
"I used to dread running into Kevin in the break room," David says. "But now, I look forward to it. The look on his face when I pretend not to understand him is priceless."
Of course, not everyone is thrilled with David's antics. Some of his other coworkers have expressed concern that he's not being entirely truthful, and that he might be offending Kevin by pretending not to speak English.
But David refuses to let the naysayers get him down. "Listen, Kevin talks enough for all of us," he says. "If I can get a few minutes of peace and quiet by faking my language skills, I'm going to do it. And if anyone has a problem with that, they can talk to my hand."
