Local Man Spends 45 Minutes Selecting Donut, Still Picks the One He Always Picks

Sources confirm the agonizing ritual has now entered its ninth consecutive year

A local man spent approximately 45 minutes carefully deliberating over a display case of donuts on Tuesday morning before ultimately selecting the same glazed ring he has ordered every single time since 2016, sources confirmed.

Marcus Pemberton, 38, arrived at the Donut Depot at 7:12 a.m. and immediately began what witnesses described as "a full forensic examination" of the 24 available options, reportedly leaning so close to the glass that an employee had to wipe it down twice.

"He asked me what the difference was between the maple bacon and the maple sausage," said counter worker Denise Holloway. "I told him one has bacon and one has sausage. He wrote that down. On a napkin. He brought his own napkin."

According to onlookers, Pemberton's selection process included circling the display case three times, photographing the Boston cream for "later reference," and asking whether the seasonal pumpkin option would "still be there in, like, a month, hypothetically."

At 7:57 a.m., Pemberton announced he had made his decision. He ordered a glazed ring.

"Every time," said Holloway, who has worked the morning shift for six years. "Every single time. He's never once gotten anything else. One time he ordered a dozen assorted for the office and I watched him eat four glazed rings out of the box and leave the rest."

Pemberton defended his process, telling reporters that the deliberation is "about the journey, not the destination."

"You can't just grab the first donut you see," he explained, holding the glazed ring, which he had already begun eating before reaching the register. "That's how you end up with a lemon-filled situation. I've seen it happen to people. I've been those people."

When asked why he doesn't simply order the glazed ring immediately and save 45 minutes of his life, Pemberton grew quiet. He stared into the middle distance for several seconds.

"Because what if today's the day," he said softly, "that the glazed ring isn't enough."

At press time, Pemberton was reportedly standing in front of a vending machine, weighing his options.