Local Man Voted Biggest Douchebag After Exaggerating Bike Accidents and Oil Can Brawls
Chad the Z-Man has finally achieved his lifelong dream of being named local douchebag. It took years of hard work, dedication, and telling tall tales of his supposed epic bike crashes and oil can brawls, but he did it. The award ceremony took place last night and the atmosphere was electric, with the air thick with the smell of desperation and overcompensation.
Chad seemed pleased as punch, sauntering up to the stage to accept his trophy, a golden douchebag statue with a tiny bicycle inside. The judges commended him on his commitment to being a total tool, with one noting, "I've never heard someone outright lie about bike crashes and bar brawls before, it's impressive in a weird way."
Other contestants were less impressed, with several grumbling about Chad's constant bragging and name-dropping of minor celebrities. One competitor, who wished to remain anonymous, told The Wibble, "I can't believe that guy won, he's such a phony. I once saw him fall off his bike after hitting a pebble and he acted like he'd survived a plane crash."
Chad's ex-girlfriends also expressed their lack of surprise at his win, with one telling us, "He always needed to be the center of attention, even if it meant making up ridiculous lies about his imaginary tough-guy persona. I'm glad he's finally being recognized for the douchebag he truly is."
Despite the backlash from some of his fellow contestants, Chad appears to be reveling in his new title, already updating his social media bios to include "award-winning douchebag" and changing his license plate to "DBAG2019". He also told us that he plans to up his game even further next year, with stories of even more outrageous feats of manliness, such as bear wrestling and bull riding.
While it remains to be seen if Chad will be able to top himself in the future, one thing is for sure: he's now officially the biggest douchebag in town, and he couldn't be prouder. Let's hope he doesn't let the fame go to his head too much, or we might never hear the end of his lies and exaggerations.
