Washington D.C. - In a stunning display of incompetence, a man attempted to attack the White House today by crashing an empty Uhaul truck into a barrier at a speed that could barely be called "driving". Despite the man's best efforts, the barrier remained intact and no damage was done.
Government officials, however, have declared this to be the "greatest attack on America" since the January insurrection on the Capitol. "This man," said one official, "is a clear threat to our nation and everything it stands for."
When asked for comment, the man in question appeared confused. "I just wanted to make a statement," he said. "I didn't think it would be this hard to crash a truck into a barrier."
The incident has prompted heightened security measures around the White House, including extra barricades and security personnel. "This just goes to show how important our work is," said a security officer. "We must remain vigilant at all times, even against the most inept of attackers."
Despite the lack of damage, the incident has sent shockwaves through the nation. Social media has been buzzing with reactions, with some calling the man a hero and others condemning him as a terrorist. There have even been calls for him to be nominated for the "Noble" Peace Prize.
"I think this man has done more for world peace than anyone in recent memory," said one Twitter user. "He's shown us that even the most hapless among us can make a difference."
Others were less enthusiastic. "This is just another example of the government using fear to control us," said a Facebook user. "They want us to be scared of everything, even empty Uhaul trucks."
The man, whose identity has not been released, is currently in police custody. He is facing charges of attempted vehicular assault, although officials say this may be upgraded to "catastrophic failure of terrorist activity".
Despite the serious tone of the government's response, many are finding humor in the situation. Memes featuring the inept attacker have been circulating on social media, with captions such as "When you try to be a terrorist but can't even drive a truck" and "Breaking: Uhaul trucks now classified as weapons of mass incompetence".
The incident serves as a reminder that even the most well-planned attacks can fall short in the face of flawed execution. As for the man behind the wheel of the Uhaul, he may not have achieved his goal of damaging the White House, but he certainly made an impression on the nation.
