Marco's Pizza Unveils New Square Pizza: Because Geometry is Delicious

Aug 24, 2023, 3:48 AM

It was a day just like any other at the corporate headquarters of Marco's Pizza. The pressure was high, the puns were terrible and the pizzas? Well, they were round. That's until a lone genius dared to be different. He asked a question so vital, so revolutionary, it disrupted the status quo:

"Why shouldn't pizza be square?"

There was a gasp in the room, so palpable you could slice it with a pizza cutter. Because give or take a few rectangles and oblongs, pizza had, since its inception, identified as round. But this rebel, this rogue, this champion of the under-shapes, he was arguing for pizza of a different hue.

The CEO, as expected, was aghast. "Square? The people won't accept it," he predicted. But this maverick was unmoved. He stood resolute, calm as a square pie in the eye of a storm of round pizzas.

"But that's just the thing," he said, fixing his gaze on his colleagues' terrified faces, "The people love squares! Look at our fans of right angles and equal sides. Instagram is full of square pictures; Rubik's Cube, a cultural phenomenon, is a square. Heck, even the Earth was once believed to be a square."

The room went silent, except for the sound of collective noses being blown. Had nobody thought of this before? Was humanity really so oblivious? Could it be that all along we were naturally predisposed to downright squareness?

That was six months ago. Today, we woke up to the news that Marco's Pizza is finally launching a square pizza. Chaos followed.

"Is it still pizza if it's square?" asked some. "Doesn't it taste different?" cried others. The purists even wept for the cultural sanctity of the circle. But Marco's Pizza enforced their stand: "Because Geometry is Delicious!"

As expected, the internet exploded into a frenzy. Conspiracy theories began to flow faster than cheese on a hot slice, and 'Circular Earth Pizza Society' swore they wouldn't stop until regular round pizzas were restored. They demanded POP (Proof Of Pie-ness) and claimed that the square had always been the domain of dessert bars like brownies and lemon squares. But amid all the farcical frenzy, one thing was certain - the people were talking.

The long and short of it is that Marco's Pizza has managed to change the face of pizza..."literally." Are we ready to walk into a new age of square pizzas or should we cling onto our round pies, the choice is in our hands.

In the meantime, we can't help but wonder what's next on the pizza geometry agenda? Triangular pizzas? Octagonal delights? Or will the pizzaverse collapse into a chaotic kaleidoscope of shapes?

Until that moment of revelation, let us munch away on our square slices, boldly going where no pizza lover has gone before — into a brave new world where the pie is square and decidedly edible. And remember: now that the slice is right, it's hip to be square.

This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.