Never Twicr, the newest social media platform that restricts its users to only one post per account, has hit the internet by storm. Creating buzz and agitation amongst social media moguls, the platform has become an overnight sensation, leaving aspiring influencers fretting about how they can communicate their entire lives through a single post. But fear not, dear reader, for we have assembled a beginner's guide to help you master the art of Never Twicr.
First and foremost, understand that Never Twicr is not about capturing the entirety of your experiences; it's about selecting the best moments and capturing them to perfection. Treat your post like a masterpiece, something that deserves a place in the world of fine art. Our suggestion? Add some oil paint filters and call it Impressionism. Rinse and repeat.
Don't have something magnificent to post? No problem. Just take an image of yourself with a simple background and edit it to oblivion, bestowing an unearthly glow on your face, or perhaps morphing yourself into an alien of some sort. Just remember, subtlety is not your friend. The tackier, the better.
Make sure you utilize your captioning skills. Be as cryptic as possible to entice your followers to think about your post beyond its surface level and to invest in the story behind it. It's all about creating a tantalizing narrative to keep your followers coming back for more. If you can relate it to current events, even better. Nothing says relatable like a post about your insatiable urge to buy copious amounts of toilet paper during an impending lockdown.
But what if your artistic skills are not up to snuff? That's okay. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words, so make sure your picture is peak relatability. Nothing draws people in like an adorable puppy or a sleeping newborn. Throw in a relatable tagline like "I'm not crying, you're crying," and watch your following skyrocket.
Pro tip: if all else fails, just remember to look introspective. Capture yourself mid-thought, with your eyes gazing off into the distance, lost in a sea of contemplation. For added emphasis, add a filter that enhances the somber, introspective mood of the picture. To quote Drake, "I'm going deep, I'm introspective. I'm in your head."
Now that you've gained some insight into the perfect technique for creating your Never Twicr masterpiece, here are a few things you should avoid. Stay away from anything controversial. The moment you start spouting hate speech or making uninformed political claims, your followers will drop like flies. Unless you're controversial for the right reasons, of course. We suggest taking a stand against pineapple on pizza. You'll gain some enemies, but hey, it's all about engagement.
Lastly, keep things fresh and lively. Change your theme every once in a while. Throw your followers off balance by posting something unexpected. Share something personal, but don't go too deep. At the end of the day, Never Twicr is all about projecting a certain image of yourself into the digital world.
Happy posting, and remember, your first post is your Only post. So, make it count.