The Mayo Clinic, one of the most renowned healthcare facilities in the world, has undergone a complete rebranding. Say goodbye to the old-fashioned name and hello to the Mayo-naise Clinic. That’s right; they are putting the best and most versatile condiment on all your sandwiches, straight into your veins.
In a press release, the Mayo-naise Clinic stated that their research has shown that mayonnaise-based medicine is more effective, more delicious, and more aesthetically pleasing than traditional medicine.
In the words of Dr. Sandy Ikes, a senior researcher at the Mayo-naise Clinic, "Why use boring old drugs like morphine when you can experience the superior taste and texture of mayo? Plus, it's cheaper." After hearing the news, some people have already started to spread mayo on their toast and apply it to their wounds.
Mayo-naise Clinic founder, Dr. William Worrall Mayo, had always believed in using the highest-quality ingredients in his medical practice. When he started out, that meant using freshly-ground herbs and spices and organic produce. Now, it's all about the mayo. The clinic is even offering discounts to patients who bring their own jars.
One of the most impressive aspects of the Mayo-naise Clinic's new approach to medicine is that it's versatile enough to treat everything. Got a broken arm? Mayo. Cancer? Mayo. Appendicitis? Mayo. In fact, I overheard one of the doctors saying that mayo could even be used to cure baldness.
The new medical regime at the Mayo-naise Clinic will also be starting a program in which patients can come to the clinic and receive a jar of mayo to take home with them. This program is aimed at people who don't have access to medical care but still want to try mayo as a treatment option.
According to the clinic's Facebook page, over a hundred people have already tried mayo-based medicine and are already experiencing amazing results. "My arthritis is gone!" exclaimed one satisfied patient. "I no longer have any recurring headaches!" rejoiced another. Doctors caution, however, that while mayo-based medicine may work for some people, it's still in the experimental stages and is not recommended for everyone.
The clinic is also using mayo-based medicine in the training of new doctors. All medical students training at the Mayo-naise Clinic will have to prove that they can create their own special mayo recipe before graduating.
In keeping with the new branding, all employees at the Mayo-naise Clinic will be wearing white lab coats adorned with pictures of mayo jars. Additionally, all food in the cafeteria will now be served with a generous dollop of mayo – even on vegetarian and vegan options!
If you're looking for a healthcare provider that thinks outside of the mayonnaise jar, the Mayo-naise Clinic might just be right for you. Walk-ins are welcome, but be sure to bring a jar of your favorite mayo just in case.