Aug 3, 2023, 3:36 AM
In a shocking revelation that will undoubtedly turn heads globally, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has unveiled that the royal bloodline possesses more than the usual share of quirks. The truth, she calmly states, is far stranger than what's been permitted to pass into the public domain. However, this unanticipated announcement does not stop with mere quirks. Instead, it plunges headfirst into the uncanny, the bizarre, the downright extraterrestrial.
The Queen, whose stoicism in the face of any situation is legendary, looked into the camera without a hint of jest. "I am, indeed, a reptilian shape-shifter," she stated plainly, as if disclosing her preference for Earl Grey tea over English Breakfast. The seconds of stunned silence that followed were punctuated by a sly smile from her regal countenance.
"I am confident you've heard of the reptilian conspiracy theories," she continued, "these theories, far from being mere Internet chit-chat, hold some subtle truths." Yes, the Queen was indeed confirming, with her characteristic nonchalance, what fringe factions of society have been screaming about for years: that the global elite aren't merely metaphorically cold-blooded, but literally so.
But she didn't stop there. The subsequent revelation took an even darker turn, veering headlong into the realm of nightmares. The aspect of the royal heritage, which had so far been hidden behind the curtains of the grand historical drama, was the notion that her real diet becomes somewhat ...shall we say...unconventional, especially when the moon is full.
"Contrary to what people might think," the Queen notes, "not all of my needs are fulfilled by the customary royal feasts laid out by the palace chefs." What does this icon of decorum and propriety refer to, you may ask? Without so much as batting an eyelid, Her Majesty blithely let spill the beans: "On certain occasions, I do consume...uh...juveniles."
Yes, you read that right. Behind her, a table set in lavish grandeur, beneath the countless portraits of her predecessors, in the full glory of royal radiance, Queen Elizabeth revealed with a calculated clarity that she dines on the most somber of dishes.
The world watches in stunned silence as these revelations become public. Questions abound and murmurs echo in the corners of society. Can we really believe what we've just heard? Was this merely a calculated act to gain attention? Or perhaps, the admittance of her reptilian origins and cannibalistic tendencies was a warning, a display of the untold power concealed behind royal fascades?
As the dust settles on this surreal announcement, one thing is clear: the royals aren't quite how we thought them to be. They are peculiar creatures, with strange diets and stranger origins. And it seems they revel in the obscurity of their existence.
On this note, we bid adieu to sanity and rationality. We may never know why Queen Elizabeth chose to disclose these unsettling facts about her heritage now. Perhaps she got tired of the confining human facade, or maybe she believed that society was ready for the truth. Regardless, one thing is evident - this world is full of surprises, and we're just getting started.
This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.