Mysterious Shoulder Aliens Accused of Planting Bad Ideas in Unsuspecting Hosts

Jun 6, 2023, 9:36 PM

In a bizarre turn of events, reports of mysterious miniature shoulder aliens have surfaced, creating panic and confusion among the public. These peculiar extraterrestrial beings are accused of perching on the shoulders of unsuspecting hosts, whispering flawed and misleading ideas into their ears. The repercussions of these "bad idea planting" attempts have led to a rise in peculiar incidents, ranging from amusing mishaps to life-altering decisions.

The discovery of the shoulder aliens was initially met with skepticism, but as a steady stream of incidents deemed too uncanny to be mere coincidences began to roll in, people started to take notice. In one peculiar case, a man decided to quit his job, believing he had a foolproof plan to become a millionaire overnight by investing in a stock called "BeetCoin" – only to later discover it was simply a Bitcoin parody. In another account, a woman purchased what she believed to be a rare antique lamp, but soon found out that it was just a cheap replica marketed as an "instant heirloom."

As news of the whispering shoulder aliens gained momentum, social media erupted with conspiracy theories and unsubstantiated claims. Some suggested that the aliens were responsible for the constant stream of ill-advised fashion trends, including the infamous mullet comeback. Others postulated on more sinister motives, positing that the aliens could be agents of competing governments, seeking to undermine societal order by inciting chaos on an individual level.

As anxiety amongst the populace continued to build, a dedicated group of paranormal investigators took it upon themselves to get to the bottom of the suspicious phenomenon. Dubbing themselves "Shoulder Alien Whisper Watch," or SAWW, this collective delved into the veracity of these claims by collating first-person accounts and comparing their findings. What they discovered, however, only served to cement further the reality of the whispering shoulder aliens.

Their data revealed an alarming number of instances in which individuals made surprisingly bad decisions, all of which were prefaced by uncharacteristically secretive behavior. Adding to the puzzle, over half of these cases involved the same alien glyph inscribed on mundane objects, leading SAWW to hypothesize that the aliens were using this symbol to claim their victims.

Public demand for a solution escalated as the emergence of the shoulder alien phenomena continued to disrupt people's lives, forcing the government to establish a task force dedicated to investigating the cases. The task force quickly initiated a nationwide campaign called "Aliens Off My Shoulder" or AOMS, urging citizens to identify and report instances of suspicious whispers and uncharacteristically bad decisions.

The government went to great lengths to encourage the adoption of the aforementioned guidelines, even introducing a wearable gadget with the sole purpose of detecting shoulder aliens. With built-in noise-cancelling technology, the device helped prevent the extraterrestrial whispers from reaching their intended targets, thus ensuring that the devious ideas failed to gain traction.

As a result of these efforts, shoulder alien activity has significantly decreased, restoring peace of mind to the populace. But while the AOMS task force receives applause for its work, many continue to ponder the origin of these enigmatic beings and their ultimate motives. Are they simply mischief-makers relishing the chaos they sow? Or do they have a more nefarious goal in mind?

As the investigation into mysterious shoulder aliens continues, one thing is clear: the power of bad ideas has taken on a whole new dimension. The question remains, do our ill-advised whims truly stem from the whispers of extraterrestrial beings, or are they merely a manifestation of our own subconscious desires?

Either way, it seems that for now, at least, we can breathe a bit easier knowing that the shoulder aliens have been, for the most part, quashed. But who knows when their whispers may return? Perhaps it's best to keep our ears open and maintain a healthy dose of skepticism.

This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.